“You hate those shoes. You said they pinch your toes, and you’re worried that you’ll end up with a fungal toe, and people will make fun of you on the street.”
“Did I say that?”
“You did. Back to swearing on the bag.”
It may not have been the man I wanted in my bed tonight but snuggling into Eric’s side is second best.
I don’t cry tonight.
Instead, the nightmares plague me.
***
The next couple of days, I went through the motions just like Eric said. A major one was guilt. I may have been upset and drunk, but I had no right to call Charlie what I did.
With five days passing, I feel like shit for not contacting her sooner knowing that an apology is well-deserved. The best way to see her will be in her office, and Eric was quick to inform me that she would be at work tomorrow.
With Andy settled into daycare, I make my way across town to Charlie’s office.
I sit in front of her desk and wait for her to enter, fiddling my thumbs nervously as I cross my legs, ignoring the annoying twitch building up in my knees.
The office is small yet modern and posh. Eric’s mother had flown over from New York and decorated it in one day. She has connections across the country, and her style is modern sheik. Charlie’s office is mainly white with a feature wall covered in Damask fabric with a beautiful pattern. The black stands out amongst the white, and behind Charlie’s desk are shelves perfectly aligned with files, books, and pictures of her family. The desk in front of me is spotless, not a single speck of dust nor an item of stationery out of place. Lex and Charlie are both clean freaks. I don’t consider myself messy, but I’m not exactly going to have a meltdown if a pen is out of place.
A gust of wind enters the room followed by the click of heels. I turn around, and Charlie is walking toward me. At first, she doesn’t notice, busily carrying a laptop and several folders. The second she does, she freezes for a brief moment letting out a gasp almost dropping everything. Composing herself, she walks around and places everything on her desk.
“Hi, Charlie,” I greet her softly.
She acknowledges me with a lukewarm smile. I deserve it. Working in silence, she plugs the laptop into the docking station and takes a seat. I can’t help but notice her dark gray pantsuit. It fits her like a glove, joined with a crisp white fitted shirt. Charlie is naturally beautiful, and it’s blatantly obvious at this moment why my brother worships the ground she walks on. I’m tongue-tied, trying to find the right words.
Geez, I’ve had days to prepare my apology, and now I go blank.
This is starting off really bad.
“God, I’m so sorry for being the biggest bitch on the planet. It was so uncalled for and not true. I just… fuck, I can’t even think straight and apologize right,” I babble.
She remains silent, poised, and calm. Pushing her glasses past the bridge of her nose, she leans back into the chair, crossing her legs appropriately.
“It was uncalled for, mean, and very out of character. It hurt to be called such a disgusting word by someone who I consider my sister.”
I nod, almost on the verge of tears.
“Adriana, I don’t know where this is coming from. Julian adores you, and yet you threw it all in his face because of your insecurities.”
“It’s not easy being compared to you.”
She laughs momentarily. “Adriana, no one is comparing us except for you. You wanted us to all get along, and I tried my damn hardest to control Lex, but it doesn’t help that you keep throwing fuel into the fire.”
“Well, it’s done and over with.” My bleak response is the harsh cold reality of it all.
Charlie lets out a long sigh. “Both of you have a lot of personal struggles. Just like any relationship, there’s the peak and the fall. This is your fall. Sometimes there are several falls, but getting up and working toward the peak, that’s what love is all about.”
She’s right. Julian and I have our struggles. It’s never going to be a perfect love story.
“You love him, Adriana?”
I nod instantly.
“Then heal yourself before you try to heal your relationship. Use this time apart wisely.”