A warm sensation spreads across my chest as my eyes wander over Kristen’s words again. Then, finally, I glance in her direction to be met with a gracious smile.
All these fears disappear, almost like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. My parents have finally let go of their concerns, counting down the days until they can meet their grandchild. Kristen and Austin’s father, Greg, are excited to meet the baby which also alleviates the stress because they easily could’ve not been so welcoming given the circumstances.
And now, Millie is talking to me again.
All feels right in the world again, and just maybe, this will all work out.
I pull the bow, then remove the lid. Under the tissue paper, there is a small blanket. It’s yellow with colored stripes.
“That belonged to Austin,” Kristen tells me, her tone subdued as she stares at the blanket fondly. “He was wrapped in it when he came home from the hospital. As he grew, Austin dragged it with him everywhere. When he went to preschool, he hid it in his bag every day. I even remember when we would travel, he insisted it be taken as carry-on.”
Bringing the blanket to my nose, I inhale the scent. It smells like comfort and like happiness, everything Austin provides me when we’re in each other’s company. The soft texture feels nice in my hands, and soon our baby will be wrapped in the same blanket its daddy came home in.
“Thank you, Kristen,” I choke, trying to fight back the tears.
Kristen stands up to offer me a hug, and in her embrace, I welcome the kindness and fight back the emotions which make me want to sob like a baby.
As we pull away, I intake a breath then turn to glance at Millie, hoping the mention of his name doesn’t start something between us. Thankfully, she’s busy with Eric arguing over what column Eric should’ve written the names and gifts in.
I take a moment to thank everyone for attending and for all the generous gifts, wanting to keep my speech short and simple. As much as I love events, the reality is my feet are numb, and my back is aching—the downside to being pregnant in your third trimester.
A few people say goodbye, and some, like Nikki, request the servers bring out more champagne. Upon closer inspection, Nikki, Kate, and Adriana are next-level obnoxious. They are big girls, and I’m sure Eric can handle them while drunk and talking smack about their husbands. But then I hear Adriana say something about anal and I swear, I move so fast, almost tripping over.
“Tired?”
Millie takes a seat beside me with champagne in hand. Finally, we’re alone.
“Exhausted. Who would have thought baby showers could be so exhausting?”
She places her hand on my stomach as the corners of her lips curve up. “Do you think it’s a boy or girl?”
“Everyone says it looks like a boy. But I think it’s a girl.”
“Ashton would love a boy cousin.” Millie sighs wistfully. “Plus, Dad would be in heaven with all these boys around.”
I place my palm on her hand. “Millie, I know this is hard.”
She glances over at Mom, who offers a reassuring smile. “It’s not easy if I’m honest, but my time will come when it comes. The doctors have said it’s not uncommon to miscarry and then struggle with fertility. I have come to the realization that this is something I have no control over.”
“And Austin?”
Millie takes a moment to collect her thoughts, something she is good at, whereas I blurt out the first thing which comes to mind.
“Austin is a great guy. He was always going to be a great father one day.”
I twist my hands in my lap, not wanting to strain things between us even further. But there is so much more to this, and I pray with every fiber in my being we can pull through and go back to the way things were.
“I never did this to hurt you. I was just so fucked up that night, and Austin was just as bad. He lost a patient, a kid, out of all people. We got too drunk. I never expected this to happen, and I wanted to tell you, but I felt ashamed after I slept with him.”
“I get that. I wouldn’t have reacted well… ” Millie admits, then continues, “… it’s Austin, you know. I will always love him, just not in that way. I mean, I never expected it to happen with him, but at least he’s a good man.”
“But what about Will?”
Millie lowers her gaze while her fingers toy with her wedding ring. “He is less forgiving than me. He can’t seem to get past the whole Austin being back thing.”
“But it’s not going to be like that,” I tell her, quick to clear up any misconception. “Austin is the baby’s father, but we’re not together. So, I don’t see why Will is freaking out. It’s not like Austin lives with me or anything.”
“He doesn’t see it that way. He thinks there will be birthdays and Christmas. And he’s adamant you’ll get married.”