“He said he couldn’t believe he’d wasted the evening on me and he thought I was a sure thing because of the way I dress. After he left I stayed in the bedroom for a while, feeling like a loser for not doing what he wanted and when I went back to the party, he’d obviously told his friends. They were all laughing and by the time I left, everyone knew how pathetic and inexperienced I am. I’m scared when I go back to school it won’t be over. Everyone will still be talking about me.”
Geez. It hadn’t been that long since I was in high school but things sure had changed. So many things troubled me about what Kayla told me. Some idiot boy judged her based on her appearance? What the hell was wrong with her clothes anyway? She wore jeans and tank tops most of the time. How was that an indication of how far she would go? And since when has any fifteen-year-old been an expert at giving head?
I knelt down so I was closer to eye level with her, even though she still wasn’t facing me.
“You know your clothes are no excuse for the way he treated you, right?”
She nodded.
“Kayla, you did the right thing by saying no to him.”
“I know but now everyone thinks I’m some kind of prude. I literally went from being one of the cool kids to being a nerd in one evening. My friends just joined in with the laughing. Caitlyn let me stay at her house because her mom was expecting me. In the morning they pretty much threw me out after breakfast and said I’m out of the group.” Kayla pulled her sleeves down over her hands and wiped her eyes. “It took me a long time to fit in here. I never wanted to leave my old school. When people found out who I am, Jesse Shaw’s sister, it was like… instant upgrade to popular. I liked those girls. The ones who dumped me. I guess they didn’t like me. Not for who I really am, anyway.”
I rested my hand on her shoulder. “Listen, high school can be rough. And cool girls in high school are usually total bitches. But you need to go back in tomorrow and let them see you won’t be pushed around. Learning how to face crap like this head on is the best thing you can do for yourself.”
Finally, Kayla flicked her head around to face me. “Are you speaking from experience?”
“Hmm, not exactly. I was never in a school long enough to make too many frenemies. When I left school I had to learn how to take care of myself pretty fast. I could have used some practice on catty high school bitches.”
“Well, what do you suggest I do?”
“Ignore them. As labels go, being called a prude isn’t so bad. It means the sleazy, horny guys will leave you alone, and you might find one who shows you more respect than Damon did.”
I sounded like an after school special, but if Kayla wouldn’t go to her mom, who else would tell her this stuff? I just hoped she trusted me enough – even if we both understood it would never be as simple as I pretended.
She nodded, slowly. “I guess that’s a good thing. But I seem to have a thing for sleazy, horny guys.”
“Because they show confidence. All girls like guys who are confident. As you found out, being confident doesn’t always equal being nice.”
Kayla smiled. “You’re really smart, Bree.”
My eyes bulged a little then I threw my head back and laughed loudly. Nobody had ever called me smart before. Ever.
“I’m not that smart.”
A smart person wouldn’t be imagining a different life than the perfect one she already has. Wouldn’t be thinking about a friend as if he was something more.
“You’re smart about boys. I bet you had loads of boyfriends in high school.”
I shook my head. “Like I said, I never stayed in one place long enough to bond with anyone. There was one guy when I lived in New York for a while but other than that I didn’t really date in high school.”
“So when did you start dating?”
“When I met Jude. It was the first time I settled in one place.” Another pause, a beat of silence that made me grin. “I hear what you’re thinking. I was still a virgin on my wedding day. How’s that for prudish?”
This time Kayla’s eyes bulged but she quickly recovered. “It’s not prudish. It’s sort of sweet. How did you… I mean…”
She was too cute. I couldn’t believe I was talking to a teenager about my reasons for not having sex until after I got married, but she was at that age. The age of curiousness, and still too young to ask her mom for advice for fear she’d flip out and put locks on her bedroom door to ensure she wasn’t out banging any boy who asked.
“I didn’t exactly decide to do things that way,” I told her. “There were a lot of reasons I wasn’t ready to sleep with Jude right away. I needed to learn to trust him. He proposed a year after our first date and I knew I wanted to marry him. I really trusted him by then, and I thought, since I’d already waited so long, why not do things traditionally? A lot of my life hasn’t been traditional, so I asked Jude if he minded waiting and… he didn’t.”
In honesty, it must have killed him. Not because I’m super hot and irresistible, but because he’s a guy. He waited a long time for me to be ready, and he did so without complaining or pushing me to change my mind. That was what Taylor had referred to when she said I did what I had to do to get him. Like withholding sex was just a ploy to keep him interested. It wasn’t, and it wasn’t a test either. If he had asked me take the step sooner, I probably would have. The fact he respected me enough to hold out until the wedding only made me love him more.
“Wow. He sounds awesome.”
He was. When he used to listen to me.
I pushed away the nagging voice in my mind because I knew better. He still listened, and he was still the same guy who waited for me. Lately, he’d just chosen to pretend he didn’t hear me.