“I understand why you didn’t want to tell me at first.”
“You do?”
“You must be torn up by this. Of course you’re not going to be shouting it out to every stranger who walks by. I imagine it’ll take a while for you and your family to sort all this out. But believe this,” he said firmly. “You have nothing, nothing to be ashamed of. You had as much control over your parents’ actions as I do.”
“I know,” she said honestly. “But that’s how it is with family. You share the burden of the guilt. It’s hard to just let it go. It’s not that easy, especially when I see how their mistakes have affected people in the here and now…people like you, and Natalie and Deidre. How can an act of infidelity have such far-reaching consequences?”
He leaned down and kissed her lips tenderly. “You aren’t the responsible one. You can’t control other people’s fates, Colleen. I understand that the truth can be sad, and that it can hurt, but it’s not in your power to change it.” She looked into his eyes and saw his compassion, but also just a hint of a challenge. “Remember how I said a while back that you and I are a lot alike?”
She nodded.
“I know it’s hard for you relinquish control in a situation like this, to admit that you can’t be the one to make everything better. That’s why you’re so good at your job, because you don’t give up on your patients. You keep fighting. Just like I do for mine. But sometimes, you have to be able to admit that you can’t control things. People we care about are going to get hurt, and they’re going to make mistakes. Sometimes people die, too,” he whispered hoarsely. “And you have to be able to let go, to admit you can’t play God and control their destiny.”
She sobbed quietly. He was one hundred percent right. She was the nurturer of the family, the one who always smoothed things over and strove for harmony. At work, she hated admitting defeat with her patients and rarely did. Eric was right about something else. He really did understand her because they were similar in that way; they’d fought similar internal battles with accepting when things were beyond their control.
He made a hushing sound and kissed the tears from her cheeks.
“Will you do something for me?” he murmured.
“Yes.”
“Let go of it, Colleen. I know you can’t stop worrying about people. I know you can’t stop caring. But please…let go of the responsibility. Let go of the shame.” His face pinched slightly, as if he was pained. “I can’t stand to think of you holding on to it.”
“I’ll try,” she said earnestly. “I will.”
She leaned into him, suddenly needy for his heat. She sought out his mouth with her lips. While their mouths still clung in a kiss, he shifted her into his lap. A moment later, when he stood with her in his arms, they didn’t speak. There was no need to talk. Their gazes said it all.
He carried her upstairs, laid her on his unmade bed and began to undress her. Colleen let him, even though she felt more naked and exposed than she ever had in her life.
But more beautiful, as well, she admitted, taking in Eric’s gaze as it trailed down over her naked body.
He stripped and came down next to her on the bed. He
kissed her everywhere, sanctifying her with his touch, cleansing her with the fires of desire. When his head settled between her thighs, she accepted his most intimate kiss, opening herself to him. She felt vulnerable, but she felt whole, as well. His lips and tongue worshipped her with an avid, concise prayer. It stole her breath, the pleasure he brought her. She cried out as bliss flooded her, fierce and distilled.
He swallowed her whimpers with his kiss, their essences mingling. His possession was forceful and total, leaving her in little doubt that he’d been suffering the tortures of his own need while he’d brought her such sweet pleasure. He whispered in her ear roughly as their passion peaked, and she felt herself once again hovering on the precipice of climax.
“That’s right. Let go. Give yourself to me.”
She’d been so afraid of fully exploring the boundaries of her passion, afraid of what it would be like to fall from the lofty heights of ecstasy to the dark abyss of loss and betrayal. But in that moment, Colleen took a chance. She let go and leaped.
Eric was right there with her, holding her, fusing with her, a full partner, sharing in the sensual storm.
Chapter Twelve
The next morning the snowstorm had stopped. They worked together to clear Eric’s driveway. She’d talked to Marc, and he’d said to expect him and the kids at around two o’clock that afternoon.
Her weekend with Eric had been electric and vivid. All of her senses were peaked and sharp, as though she’d undergone a sensual awakening. But as she walked out the front door with Eric, she suddenly felt as flat and gray as the early December sky. It was time to return to her work and routine. She had no idea what the future would look like for her and Eric.
They went to Sultan’s for breakfast, and Colleen couldn’t help but be struck by the difference between this meal with Eric and their first at the restaurant a few weeks ago. They both sipped their coffee and shared the Sunday paper, their hands clasped on the tabletop. Every once in a while, she’d glance up and catch Eric watching her. What was he thinking as he studied her so soberly? She hated the fact that while they appeared to be the very image of a content, sensually connected couple, her doubtful thoughts and annoying questions about where the relationship was going started to harp at her again.
An hour later, Eric pulled into her driveway. He was due at the hospital within the hour in order to carry out a monthly mandatory shift in the emergency room. Neither of them spoke as he put the SUV in Park.
“Thank you,” she said quietly. “It was a wonderful weekend.”
“You hardly need to thank me, when I enjoyed it so much.”
Colleen cleared her throat. Was it her imagination, or had the silence just become awkward…charged? All her doubts flooded to the surface. She opened her mouth, unable to stop herself from voicing a question about how he felt about the relationship on a go-forward basis. He spoke before she could, however.