Grace shook her head in an instinctive denial of what was coming. ‘She didn’t mean that, surely,’ she said softly. ‘Perhaps she thought if she said that then he’d come round and make you a family.’
‘He didn’t want a family, Grace. Or at least, not someone else’s.’
‘Your mother put you in a children’s home?’
‘No. I didn’t let them do that. I left home.’ He gave a smile of self-mockery. ‘You see? Even at the tender age of eight, I was determined to be in control of my own destiny. There was no way I was just going to let life happen to me.’
‘But you were eight years old.’ She lifted both hands to her face and shook her head, unable to bear the thought of him alone at such a young age. ‘How can you take charge of your destiny at eight years old? What did you do? Where did you go?’
‘I stole money from his wallet and then I packed a bag and climbed on a bus. I went as far as the money would take me.’ His tone was flat and without a trace of emotion. ‘I climbed off the bus and I stood by the side of the road, wondering what on earth I’d done. I suddenly realised I had nothing to eat or drink and nowhere to sleep.’
Grace’s eyes filled. ‘You must have been so afraid and so lonely.’
‘Well, I realised that if I stayed by the side of the road then someone might well pick me up and return me to Rio. So I walked into the rainforest.’
‘The rainforest?’ She stared at him, appalled, remembering her own experience in similar surroundings. ‘You wandered into the rainforest on your own and you were only eight? But that’s so dangerous. Snakes, spiders—’
‘I was never bothered about snakes and spiders but I hated the ants and the noises bothered me at first.’
‘At first? How long did you stay in the rainforest?’
‘A month.’
She rose to her feet. ‘You lived in the forest on your own for a whole month? But you were just a child, Rafael; how did you do it? What did you eat, drink?’
He shrugged. ‘I ate fruit. Berries. Drank water that I probably shouldn’t have drunk but it didn’t do me any harm. It’s true that I was a great deal thinner by the time they eventually found me.’
‘Your mother found you?’
He gave a twisted smile. ‘Oh, no. I doubt she ever bothered looking. She was, I’m sure, extremely relieved to have had the problem removed from her life.’
‘So if your mother didn’t find you, then who did?’
‘Carlos.’
‘Carlos who owns the fazenda?’
‘That’s right. I’d strayed onto his land. He took me home to Filomena. They fed me, gave me some clean clothes because mine were pretty filthy by then and gradually drew the story out of me.’
‘But they didn’t send you away?’
‘Oh, no, they didn’t do that. They took me in and I never left.’
It explained so much about him. ‘So that’s why you love them so much,’ she whispered and he gave a faint frown as if he hadn’t considered the nature of the bond before.
‘I owe them everything. They gave me a home and security.’
‘But they couldn’t make up for what your mother had done.’ Grace walked towards him, her hands outstretched. ‘It’s no wonder you don’t trust women. It isn’t just about your ex-wife, is it? It started a long, long time before that. And you were so, so young.’
He hesitated and then took her hands. ‘I suppose at a very young, impressionable age I was given the message that a woman will do just about anything if the price is right. Even give away her child. Amber’s behaviour was simply more of the same; she used pregnancy as a lever to get me to marry her. I never had any reason to change my view of women.’ His eyes found hers. ‘Until I met you. I owe you an apology.’
Her eyes widened. ‘For what?’
‘For not believing that you were innocent.’ His fingers tightened on her hands. ‘The thing is, Grace, I’d never actually come across truth and innocence before, so when I finally did I didn’t recognise it.’
‘You have nothing to apologise for.’
‘I hurt you by not believing in you. And I hurt you by not using romantic words when I took you to bed.’ He cursed softly and hauled her against him. ‘I’m useless with emotions, Grace. It’s like another language. I just don’t know any of the right words. You’re going to have to teach me.’