He thought about the summers he’d spent with his father, and how much he’d taken the stability of their family life for granted.
“Your childhood was difficult. It’s not surprising you want a peaceful family life now.”
“I’d rather be on my own than with the wrong person. Or someone who doesn’t love you. That’s worse, I think. That’s the situation my parents were in.” A strand of hair slid forward and curved round her cheek. “I wish I’d known a bit more about their situation when I was growing up. It might have helped me understand.”
“You think that excuses your father’s behavior?”
“No. But I think it helps explain it. I used to think it was about me. But now I see it was about him.”
Judging from her unhappy expression, that revelation hadn’t brought her a whole lot of comfort.
“Tell me about summers with your grandmother.”
“It was easy being with her. Grams never minded if my words stuck in my mouth, if I wasn’t fluent. She waited until I’d said whatever it was I wanted to say. With her I felt normal. And summers there were the way I’d always imagined a family should be. Lots of laughter, friendly arguing, no tension. When I was with her, I didn’t feel like the disappointment of the family.”
“That’s how you felt?”
“It was hard not to. Daniel and Fliss were both brilliant at everything. They always had top marks. Fliss used to scribble her assignments on the school bus and she’d get an A every time. I’d work for hours, with help, and still only get a B. I’ve always had to try harder than everyone else.”
“But you didn’t feel like that with your grandmother?”
“She made sure we spent time together. She was the one who taught me to cook. It made me feel special. When you’re a twin, you’re often lumped together as if you’re one person. It’s ‘you girls,’ or ‘the two of you.’ It’s hard to be an individual, particularly when you look identical to someone else.”
“Did the two of you ever switch places and fool people?”
“Occasionally. I’m a terrible liar, so fooling people was never something I was good at.”
He noticed the way she used her hands when she talked, and the way her face lit up when she talked about her grandmother.
There was so much more to Harriet Knight than was visible on first acquaintance.
And he wanted to know more.
“Surely you didn’t only cook in the Hamptons. What happened when you were at home in New York?”
“I spent as much time in my room as I could.”
That revealing statement told him everything he needed to know about her childhood.
It made him want to hold her and wipe out the memories.
“Your grandmother taught you well.” He finished his soup and put the spoon down.
“Can I ask you something?”
It occurred to him that Harriet Knight was the only woman he knew who would seek permission to ask him something that was obviously going to be uncomfortable.
“After making soup like that you can ask me anything.” And because of the shine in her blue eyes, and the way she was looking at him.
“Will you agree to be Santa?”
Of all the questions he’d anticipated, that hadn’t been on the list.
“Why do you care?”
“I think it would be wonderful.”
“Are you offering to dress up as my elf?”