Everyone, it seemed, wanted her to spill her feelings.
Her grandmother poured coffee into a mug and handed it to her. “Take a shower. Wash your face. You look terrible.”
“I feel terrible. I’ve messed everything up. I’ve upset Harriet and I’ve lost Seth.” The words tumbled out, and the next thing she knew she was being hugged by her grandmother. “I was hoping to talk to you about it, but I walked through the door and Harriet was here. And I tried to pretend everything was fine—”
“You can talk to me,” her grandmother soothed, “but I think it would be even better if you talked to your sister.”
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.” But Fliss knew she had to try.
Her head throbbed, but she took the shower her grandmother had suggested, changed into clean shorts and walked down to the beach.
Harriet was sitting on the dunes, Charlie next to her.
For the first time ever Fliss felt nervous around her sister.
“Harry?”
Harriet turned her head, and Fliss saw that her eyes were red from crying.
“I’m sorry.” Harriet pulled Charlie closer. “I didn’t mean to walk out, but you make me crazy sometimes. You think I’m so weak and pathetic I’ll break at the slightest pressure.”
“That’s not what I think!” Fliss sank down onto the sand next to her, the long grass tickling her calves. “I love you and don’t want you to be hurt. I can’t bear it when you’re hurt. I want to protect you from that.”
“And how do you think that makes me feel? Let me tell you it’s bad seeing your twin, your sister, the person you are closest to in the world, suffer. But what’s worse is knowing that you won’t share it with me.”
Fliss’s eyes filled. “I didn’t want you to feel bad.”
“So instead I was left to imagine how you must be feeling, which is worse. I’m not fragile, Fliss. I lived through the same childhood you did. And I know you protected me, so did Daniel, and I’m grateful for that, but the one thing I don’t need protecting from is your emotions. That’s totally different. And I know you’re also protecting yourself, but it doesn’t feel great to know you don’t trust me to be careful with your feelings. I’m hurt, Fliss, because even though we’re sisters, twins, you still don’t trust me enough to let me see you at your most vulnerable.”
Fliss saw the tears in her sister’s eyes and felt her own throat close. It was bad enough that she’d screwed up her relationship with Seth, but now she’d upset Harriet. She’d made her sister cry. Her sister, whom she’d always tried to protect from hurt.
It was the final straw.
“I’m sorry. I never thought I was hurting you by not telling you how I felt. I thought I was doing the right thing. And I trust you. I do trust you, but—” She choked on the words. “I hurt. I hurt so badly, Harry.” She felt her sister’s arms come around her and then she hugged her tightly, holding her while she sobbed and gave Harriet a hiccupping account of everything that had happened. She let it all spill out, telling her things she’d never told her. About Seth. About the baby.
Finally she sniffed and eased away. “I bet you’re wishing you’d never asked me to tell you what was wrong.” She wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand.
“I don’t wish that. Do I hate seeing you in pain? Yes. But I don’t want you to be in pain on your own. You’re my sister. You’ve always looked out for me.”
Fliss sniffed. “I’m older than you.”
“By three minutes.”
“Those three minutes came with responsibility. I feel like I’m never going to be able to smile again. These last few weeks—” She leaned her head on her sister’s shoulder. “It was magical. Magical. And I messed everything up. I love him so much and it terrifies me.”
They sat shoulder to shoulder, looking out across the ocean.
“Vanessa shouldn’t have called you.”
“I would have done the same. Everything she said was true.” Fliss scrubbed her cheek with her hand. “She loves her brother. I respect that.”
“Does he know you love him?”
“I never actually told him, but he knows. He said that if I was going to shut down when things got tough then it would never work, no matter how much we love each other.”
“And he’s probably right about that,” Harriet said.
Fliss winced. “You’re the romantic one. You’re supposed to tell me that it’s all going to be fine and that we’re going to live happily ever after. You’re supposed to believe that.”