“No. And I wish she had. It might have helped me understand a few things. Grams says when she was eighteen, she fell in love.”
The same age she’d been when their relationship had become serious. “Did she tell you about him?”
“He was an artist. He moved here for six months to paint. He was married, although Mom didn’t know that at first. He used to eat all his meals at the café where my mother worked. She loved painting, so he helped her. Gave her advice. Even bought one of her paintings.”
“I didn’t know your mother painted.”
“I knew, but I didn’t realize she was so serious about it. Anyway, he stayed until January, and then he confessed that his wife and family were back in Connecticut. They were in the middle of a trial separation, but it was obvious they were still very much together. Grams said she thought my mother was going to break. He was her first love. In her heart, she’d painted a picture of their future together.”
Seth said nothing.
He knew all about painting pictures of the future.
He leaned forward and removed the sandwich from her fingers before she dropped it. “So he moved away, and what then?”
“My mother was devastated. She stopped painting. Grams was worried sick about her. And then one day my father walked into the café, and that was it. He’d come to the Hamptons with some friends for the weekend. Saw my mother and pursued her ferociously. She turned him down. She hadn’t recovered from her last relationship. She was vulnerable. My father was successful, charismatic and persistent. Older than her. He refused to give up. That was one of his traits. Never giving up.” She rubbed her palms down her calves, an anxious gesture. “I remember mealtimes at the brownstone in Manhattan. He used to lay into me in a verbal attack and he didn’t stop until the meal ended. We fought so badly there were times I wanted to hide under the table with Harriet.”
“But you didn’t.” He knew she would have forced herself to sit still and take whatever was thrown at her, to deflect his attention from her more vulnerable sister. “So your dad persuaded your mom to date him?”
“He wined her, dined her, and in a weak moment she slept with him. And got pregnant. My father was thrilled. Not because he wanted children, but because he loved her so much he was willing to do just about anything to keep her with him.” She sounded sad. “I always knew her life had been hard, but I misunderstood so much of the details.”
“Did your grandmother try to intervene?”
“Yes. She tried to talk her out of it. Told her my father could still be part of the child’s life without marriage, but Mom didn’t want that. She felt she owed it to the baby—Daniel—to give it a proper family. Grams asked her if she loved my dad, and all she would say was that he was a good man.” Fliss frowned. “And that seemed weird to me. I wanted to know what he was like back then. Was he as impatient? As angry? Grams says there were signs things weren’t right. The way he pursued her. He wasn’t thinking about what was right for her, just what was right for him. Grams thinks he really believed she’d fall in love with him over time.”
“But that didn’t happen.”
“No. And he grew more frustrated. Bitter.”
“Why didn’t they divorce sooner? Did she talk about that?”
“He refused. He knew she’d married him because of Daniel, and then Harriet and I came along, and he used the three of us as a weapon. He told her that if she divorced him, she wouldn’t be taking us. I already knew that part, but I see now that it was another way of keeping her. He couldn’t get her to love him, so he was willing to use any other means at his disposal. Daniel always said it was because she couldn’t afford a lawyer, but Grams told me if it had been a matter of money she would have sold the cottage in a heartbeat. In the end she waited until we’d left for college.”
“And Daniel helped her find a lawyer.”
“Later. Much later.” She stared at the ocean. “Maybe that’s why he was so angry all the time. He knew my mother didn’t love him. Not that I’m excusing him, because there are no excuses, but it helps to understand a little. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I almost feel sorry for him. And up until now I think I only thought about my parents in relation to me. I saw them as my parents, not as individuals with their own hopes and dreams.”
“I would think that’s pretty common. And parents often hide things from their kids anyway.”
“And sometimes they hide the wrong things. I wish she’d told me.”
“Why do you think your grandmother told you this now?”
“Because I was comparing what happened with us to what happened with my mother. I thought she got pregnant and married a man who didn’t love her.”
It took a moment for her words to sink in, and when they did he felt a lurch in the pit of his stomach.
“You think I didn’t love you?”
She shot to her feet. “I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know why I did. Forget it.” She sped down the steps to the beach an
d was halfway to the water by the time he caught up with her.
“Wait!” He grabbed her shoulder. “It seems to me that you didn’t only misunderstand your parents’ relationship, you misunderstood ours.”
“Seth—”
“It’s my turn to speak. And if you run off now I’m going to be following you, so don’t waste your energy. I didn’t marry you because you were pregnant. The only thing that the fact you were pregnant influenced was the time and the place.”