* * *
‘Fruit, rolls, coffee—’ Ryan started loading a tray. ‘How hungry are you?’
‘Not very. You put me off my food, remember?’ Having pulled on her linen skirt and tee shirt, Jenna sat on a stool watching him.
‘You just used up about ten thousand calories. You need to eat.’ Ryan warmed rolls in the oven, sliced melon and made a pot of coffee. ‘This should be lunch rather than breakfast, but never mind.’
‘Lunch? But we—’ Her gaze slid to the clock on the wall and her eyes widened. ‘Two o’clock?’
‘Like I said—ten thousand calories.’ And ten thousand volts to his system. He couldn’t believe he wanted her again so quickly, but he could happily have taken her straight back to bed.
Ryan grabbed butter and a jar of thick golden honey and then handed her some plates and mugs. ‘You can carry these. I’ll bring the rest.’
She stood still, holding the plates and mugs, staring at him.
Removing the rolls from the oven, he glanced at her. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing.’ Her voice was husky, and he frowned as he tipped the warm bread into a basket.
‘Honesty, Jenna, remember?’
‘It feels strange,’ she admitted, ‘being here with you like this.’
‘Strange in a good way or strange in a bad way?’
‘In a scary way. I was with Clive for sixteen years and he was my only boyfriend.’
Thinking about it, he realised he’d probably known that all along, but hearing it was still a shock. ‘Your only boyfriend?’
‘I met him when I was sixteen. I had Lexi when I was eighteen.’
Ryan wondered whether her selfish ex-husband had taken advantage of her. ‘Does that have anything to do with why you have a difficult relationship with your mother?’
‘I’ve always disappointed her.’
He frowned. ‘I can’t imagine you disappointing anyone.’ But he could imagine her trying to please everyone, and her next words confirmed it.
‘My parents had plans for me—which didn’t involve me getting pregnant as a teenager.’ Her head dipped and she pulled a pair of sunglasses out of the bag on her lap. ‘Are we eating outside? I’ll probably need these. It’s sunny.’
He remembered the conversation she’d had with her mother. How distressed she’d been. ‘So what did they want you to do?’
‘Something respectable. I had a place lined up at Cambridge University to read English—my parents liked to boast about that. They were bitterly upset when I gave it up.’
‘Did you have to give it up?’
‘I chose to. Everyone thought I’d be a terrible mother because I was a teenager, and it made me even more determined to be the best mother I could be. I don’t see why teenagers can’t be good mothers—I’m not saying it’s easy, but parenthood is never easy, whatever age you do it.’ Tiny frown lines appeared on her forehead. ‘I hate the assumption that just because you’re young, you’re going to be a dreadful parent. I know plenty of bad parents who waited until their thirties to have children.’
Ryan wondered if she was referring to her own. ‘For what it’s worth, I think you’re an amazing mother.’
‘Thank you.’ Her voice was husky as she cleaned her sunglasses with the edge of her tee shirt. ‘I don’t think I’m amazing, but I love Lexi for who she is, not what she does. And I’ve always let her know that.’
‘Who she is, not what she does…’ Ryan repeated her words quietly, thinking that his own parents could have taken a few lessons from Jenna. In his home, praise had always revolved around achievement.
Jenna fiddled with her glasses. ‘My parents were always more interested in what I did than who I was, and I was determined not to be like that. Clive worked—I stayed at home. Traditional, I know, but it was the way I wanted it.’
‘Can I ask you something personal? Did you marry him because you loved him or because you were pregnant?’
She hesitated. ‘I thought I loved him.’