I hold up my thumb and forefinger with about an inch between them. “Little bit. My dad was the more mild Morelli brother of his batch. There was Mateo’s dad—a real sadistic son of a bitch. Vince’s dad—a cold-hearted son of a bitch. Those were the ones I coul
dn’t help looking up to when I was young. Granted, I had no idea the depths of their depravity. I didn’t see any of that. All I saw was the result. I saw how people wouldn’t fuck with them, how they made up their own rules and everyone else followed them.”
“So, Mateo is a lot like his dad,” I surmise.
Rafe shakes his head. “No, he’s not as bad as his dad was. I mean, Mateo is a bastard, don’t get me wrong, but his father was a nightmare. There was no love in that man. Now that Mateo has Mia, you can see he is capable of it, but Matt wasn’t. When Matt had his Mia, he was her monster. He ruined her, crushed her, chased her away, then hunted her down. And when he found her, he didn’t bring her back—he slaughtered her and the family she dared build without him.”
Regarding me a little warily, Laurel says, “This is your hero?”
“Like I said, I didn’t realize all that.”
“Well, if you’re that crazy, you hide it well. Also, if you kill me, I will haunt your ass. You’ll never get another erection again. Haunted penis syndrome.”
“I wouldn’t hunt you down and kill you.”
Nodding summarily, she says, “Glad to hear it.”
“I liked Ben more than Matt anyway, he had his shit together. Matt let his feelings drive him and make him psychotic, but Ben, he had control. He was ruthless and unbending—he made up the rules and punished anyone who stepped out of line. He was a hell of a boss. Not a great person, but a hell of a boss.”
Laurel nods, a look in her eyes almost like she’s heard this before. Like I’m telling her something she already knows. I certainly never talked to her about Ben during those days in Chicago—I never even told her what I did, since she didn’t ask.
Now I can’t help wondering if she and Sin talked about him, but that doesn’t make much sense. Why would they talk about that? Maybe my mind is just going to Sin because it’s a sore subject right now. Since she and Vince are clearly chummy, he could be the one who mentioned Ben to her and Carly. She was there at his funeral with them, so that makes more sense.
“He and Vince weren’t close, though. He wasn’t much of a father.”
Laurel nods, glancing back up at me. “Yeah, that’s what I heard. He didn’t really even seem sad at the funeral.”
“I’m sure it’s harder for the kid who felt abandoned to look at him and see anything worth admiring. I wasn’t his son, he didn’t let me down, so I looked at it differently. To me, my dad was too soft, so I liked Ben’s hardness.”
Her gaze drops to my bare chest and she asks, “Do you think you’re hard?”
“Nah, that was the simplistic view of a kid. I grew up. Now I realize there’s not just hard and soft, strong and weak, there are lots of different ways to be both. Now I know a lot of what people see as strength is just fear, and a lot of what people see as weakness is bravery. There are a lot of intricacies and nuances to people that you miss if you’re brushing with broad-strokes.”
“I think so, too,” Laurel says. “Did you still look up to Ben as an adult?”
“Well, then he was my boss; you have to respect your boss. Years back when he decided to come to Vegas, I made it my goal to join him as soon as I could. I was in Chicago then, but that was Mateo’s territory from the time he was born.”
“Yeah, your family’s weird practice of passing on power by heredity.” She nods. “I know about that. It seems like maybe not the best way of doing things.”
“I agree, actually. Before all this,” I say, indicating her stomach, “it’s one of the things I was thinking about trying to change. It always ends up working out, but your brother-in-law is a perfect example of how that could have gone sideways. He and Mia were more like Matt and Belle, but Mia was lucky that the man she loved was Mateo, and he had more power than Vince so he could keep her. If Ben’s power had transferred to Vince, he would have abused it to get what he wanted. Would have either ruined everyone else’s lives or lost his own if someone with some sense stopped him—probably me. Everyone abuses their power every now and again, but overall you have to be clear-headed. Small minds shouldn’t have immense power. That’s kinda why I didn’t want it to go to Gio. Not to sound like an asshole, but I don’t think he’s smart enough to be the boss. He’s petty about everything, can’t let a single thing go to focus on the bigger picture. Can’t use his head if his feelings get in the way. He follows his feelings more than a good boss should.”
“You don’t follow your feelings?”
“Not in business, no. Can’t afford to do that.”
Laurel nods. “I can see how that would be the case. What about in your personal life?”
“I keep careful control there, too,” I inform her, in case she hadn’t already guessed. “You came back into my life at a weird time. This crazy ex resurfaced, then I found out you were pregnant, and that…”
“Threw you,” she finishes, thankfully not looking pissy about it. “Trust me, it threw me too. I mean, I got so carried away with you in Chicago, I wondered if you didn’t use a condom and I just didn’t notice.”
Smirking, I tell her, “That’s not really something you don’t notice eventually. Even if you’re slick enough that you don’t feel the stretching to fit, there’s going to be more of a mess afterward without a condom.”
“That makes sense. I don’t know, I’ve only ever had sex with a condom.”
Given I know so little about Sin’s sex life, I guess I’m glad she made him wrap it up despite being pregnant. I know the doctor will still test her to be safe at the appointment—and draw some blood for a DNA test I’m not going to tell her about, just to cover all my bases—but I like that she’s smart about sex. I’ve always been wary of the girls who seemed eager to fuck bareback; I’m not naïve enough to think I’m the only near-stranger getting that invitation.
Bringing up my sex life is not the way to go after the evening we had, so I don’t say any of that. In fact, I don’t think we need to say anything more. There are too many hot-buttons for each of us right now, and it has been a long-ass night. As much as I usually enjoy going out, I am certainly looking forward to a quiet night in with Laurel tomorrow. I think that’s more her speed, and while I’m not interested in giving up my whole routine, I’ll have to bend a little to meet her needs too, or this will never work.