“Ellie’s room?” she asks quietly.
I nod wordlessly and stand, leaning down to press my hand along the mat and make sure it’s pressed down good. I think there’s a SIDs risk if not. Or maybe that’s for cribs. I don’t remember. Better safe than sorry.
Laurel comes up behind me, wrapping her arms around me and hugging my back. She doesn’t say anything, just holds onto me, comforts me the only way she can.
I use my good arm to reach back and drag her around to my side so I can kiss the top of her head. Pointing at the open, empty closet, I tell her, “A bunch of little dresses and sleepers used to hang right there.” I glance around at the empty nails on the walls. “We had some pictures of her hanging up in here, too, but I had to take ‘em all down. It was too much.”
She nods her head, then presses herself even closer to me. “I know I said it before, but I’m so, so sorry, Sin.”
“I know.”
Sighing, she says, “Now I’m feeling really stupid for pitying Rafe because he had to pack up books. You had to pack up your daughter’s whole life.”
I frown, a little lost. “Books? What?”
She shakes her head. “Never mind. It’s not important. Next time you’re at Rafe’s, tell him you want to bring my books home. We were supposed to tonight, but then you got shot and Skylar was there… Long story short, the books didn’t matter anymore.”
I don’t know what she’s talking about, but I don’t really have the energy to find out, so I just nod. “All right.”
“We could put her in a different room, if it’s too hard to be in here,” she tells me. “I don’t have a baby monitor yet anyway, so we could even put her in our room for tonight.”
“I can move it in there if you want.”
“Only our second night living together and you’re already getting cockblocked by a baby,” she states.
I smile faintly at that. “You can owe me one.”
Laurel leaves me to go grab Skylar while I move this thing to our bedroom. For the first few months after Ellie was born, we kept her in our room, too. I don’t know if my heart’s ready for it though—if she wakes up in the middle of the night, and I open my eyes to see Laurel sitting up in bed, wearing my ring and snuggling a baby. I thought I had a few months to work up to that.
Once Skylar is in bed, I need a shower. I know eventually I’m going to have to shower without her, but tonight I don’t want to. I grab Laurel’s wrist and drag her in the bathroom with me, stripping off my clothes and climbing in. She already knows the drill by now, so she follows suit, closing the shower curtain and wrapping her arms around me from behind, pressing her face against my back.
“I love you, Sin.”
Instead of telling her, I show her. I reach back and bring her around front. I back her up against the wall, lift her leg, and sink myself inside her. I know she likes it hard and fast—hell, so do I—but tonight I just want to stay inside her. Tonight I’m slow and tender, kissing her and making it last. I’m already exhausted, might as well empty the last of my energies inside her.
Even though it’s been the day from hell, it feels like my own little slice of heaven when I walk into a bedroom that doesn’t even feel like mine anymore. The scent of Laurel’s shampoo lingers in the air, there’s a baby sleeping in the corner, a beautiful woman climbing in my bed. I shake my head, drop my towel in the otherwise empty laundry basket, and climb in bed with her. I must be the luckiest bastard around as I secure my arms around Laurel’s waist and tug her as close to my chest as I can get her.
Leaning in and pressing a kiss against my lips, she whispers, “How many kids do you want?”
“A bunch. Maybe four. You?”
Her eyebrows rise and fall. “Four, okay. That’s probably doable. I thought more like two, but I’m flexible. Do you mean four after this one?” she asks, placing a hand on her tummy.
“Four total. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not a stickler about biology.”
“I have noticed,” she says, smiling and caressing my face with her soft hand. “You’re such a great man.”
I don’t know how she can say that after all the terrible shit I did today, but I don’t bother arguing. I just tug her closer and appreciate her perspective. I hope she can keep it.
“Who do you think will take Skylar?” she asks.
“No idea.”
“Rafe said he’s her godfather,” she tells me. “Obviously he isn’t going to take her; he didn’t even want to raise his own kid. I don’t know the other Morellis out here.”
I’m too tired to think about all this. “That’s a problem for tomorrow,” I tell her.
She nods and curls close. “I’ll let you go to sleep. You need the rest. Wake me up in the morning and I’ll make you breakfast before you leave. I bought groceries.”