Even without Sin as a valid alternative, that’s not how I want to live. I’m sure someone would be content with that, someone with less emotional investment. But I don’t want an arrangement, I want a family. I don’t want to raise a baby adjacent to a man I like, each of us leading more or less separate lives; I want to raise a baby with a man I love, a partner who will support me in every area of our life together.
If I want that, I have to be willing to reciprocate. If I want Sin to always love, support, and be loyal to me, I have to give the same thing back.
I know I’ll carry the guilt for the rest of my life, but I can’t be responsible for the alternative.
I have to let this happen.
40
Sin
When Laurel thinks of my job, I bet she thinks it’s exciting. For such a good girl, she certainly has an acceptance of my lifestyle I wouldn’t have expected, a fascination with the violent side of my work.
This is the part she doesn’t consider. The boring part. It has been boring as hell sitting here in this trendy, cushioned dining chair, all alone in the dark. Waiting. I spend a good deal of my life waiting, and it’s not glamorous. It is boring as all hell.
All there is, is time. Time to think, time to stew; time to consider the woman you love lying in someone else’s bed, probably with his goddamned arms wrapped around her. At least it’s for the last time, but that doesn’t make it any easier. It certainly doesn’t make it easier that she’s mine now, and she still wants to protect his ass. I know Laurel has a good heart, but it would make me feel a hell of a lot better if she could get behind me killing him. Not because she wants him dead, but because she trusts me to do what needs to be done, even if it sucks.
The telltale creak of the floorboards draw me out of my stewing and lets me know the excitement is about to begin. They’re out of bed and moving around upstairs.
I flick a glance out the window—still dark. I don’t expect Gio to linger, since he has to get back home to his wife before she wakes up. Asshole.
I take my gun out and lay it on the table in case I need to grab it quick. I hear them come down the stairs. Since it’s so early, the house is so silent, I hear the smack of their lips as they kiss goodbye at the door in the other room.
I can’t stop my head from shaking. I don’t know whether to be more pissed off or disgusted that Gio would fall into Cassandra’s trap after watching her blow through Rafe. Did he really think he could handle a woman Rafe couldn’t manage?
No matter. I can handle all types of people. Men or women, smart or dumb, cocky or insecure, doesn’t matter. Cassandra has never liked me because she’s never been able to interest me. Whether it’s her ego or her lust for power that is most offended, she has always considered me useless at best, and an obstacle at worst. Cassandra uses her looks and her body to handle men, but when she comes up against one who doesn’t want her, she gets a little bitchy about it. She should stay cool. A smarter woman would just find another way, but she lets her ego have a heavy hand on the wheel. That’s not smart.
Not that it matters anymore. Now I’m here waiting in her kitchen while it’s still dark outside, and that never means anything good. Maybe the bosses of this family are dumb enough to fall for her bullshit, but they’re also smart enough to hire someone like me who won’t, so I guess it all evens out.
Someday this family will have a great boss. A steady boss who will earn the respect of his men, use his fucking head, and be a great leader of the Morelli family. I know that, because I’m the one who’s going to raise him. Assuming Laurel has a boy, anyway.
Fortunately, Cassandra doesn’t head back upstairs now that her pawn has left, she comes to the kitchen like I figured she would. She’s getting older, and all the maintenance she does to herself probably costs a little more effort now than it did a few years ago, so she won’t have time to dawdle in bed.
The kitchen light flicks on and Cassandra freezes, her blue eyes widening as she spots me sitting at her kitchen table. Her relief is misplaced, but when she realizes it’s me, she offers a thin little smile.
“Took you long enough. Is Rafe’s little mouse distracting you, too?”
“No, I just thought Gio’s brain resided in his head and he only used his cock for fun.”
Smiling like we’re co-conspirators, she meanders over to the kitchen counter. “Your mistake. All men think with their dicks, sweetie.”
“Not all men.”
“Fine,” she says, purposely dismissive as she opens a cabinet and grabs a coffee cup. “You’re special, is that what you need to hear?”
God, she is a pain in the ass.
Immediately, she turns back with a conciliatory look on her face. “I’m sorry; this isn’t how I wanted to start things off between us. Truly, I’m just so used to us on opposite sides. I’m happy you found out about me and Gio. The sooner we got all that out in the open, the better. He wasn’t ready to tell you yet, thought it might spook you and he needed to reel you in first.”
I don’t say a goddamn word.
Turning back to face me and holding up a black coffee mug, she asks, “Would you like me to make you some coffee?”
I shake my head.
She shrugs and goes about making some for herself. I watch as she calmly measures out the coffee grounds and dumps them into the filter. “So, why are you in my kitchen, Sin?” Glancing back over her shoulder with a suggestive smile, she asks, “I don’t suppose you’re here to kneel for your new queen?”
I can’t help smiling at her dumb ass. “You’ll never be my queen, Cassandra.”