"I was busy," I responded.
"I left 15 voice mails."
"I didn't have time to check them," I replied, although that wasn't true. I had listened to each one at least four times, hoping he would take advantage of my vulnerability and leave one saying, "I'm a moron, I'm not with Kayla, I love you, please call me back and tell me what an idiot I am."
None of them said that, so I didn't return them.
"I've tried to apologize," he said. "I'm so sorry that I hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me," I snapped. "You pissed me off, but I wouldn't be foolish enough to let you hurt me. I would have to care about you for you to be able to hurt me," I said scathingly.
"You didn't care about me?" he asked, clearly unconvinced.
"Nope," I said, finally looking at him. "I thought I cared about the guy who promised me he would never hurt me, but you?" I shook my head. "I don't give a damn about you."
“I didn't want this to happen, Nikki," he said, shaking his head.
"I don't want to talk to you, Derek. Can't you just leave me alone?"
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay," he said. "Nobody heard from you over the break, I tried to come to your house, but your dad wouldn't even let me in the door. I haven't seen you for so long, I just..."
"Well, you've seen me, I'm fine, you can rest easy now."
"I wish you would just talk to me," he said quietly.
"And I wish you made better choices. You grant my wish and I'll see what I can do about granting yours," I said, walking in front of him and going into the girls' bathroom, knowing he couldn't follow me in there.
When lunch rolled around, I wasn't excited about going into the cafeteria. I saw Andy already had a seat, and he had his packed lunch. He stood up and waved for me to come over and sit with him, but I held up a finger, telling him to wait a minute, and I stepped into the lunch line.
I swear she had to do it on purpose, because Kayla walked up into line right behind me. I glanced around and saw that Derek was sitting with his friends. I didn't know if Kayla would sit with him or with Steph, but then I reminded myself I didn't care.
I wasn't sure why Kayla liked to torture me, but she did, because the whole time she stood behind me she did nothing but whine and complain about how she couldn't eat anything heavy, because her pregnancy had her stomach so upset.
I really wanted to turn around and scratch her eyes out, but I managed to act like I was ignoring her.
I honestly would have been fine, but then she feigned ignorance to whatever person she was standing with, and she whispered loudly, "Oh, I feel just awful now. That girl in front of me, that's the girl that liked Derek, but he ditched her for me. And here I am, going on about our baby. I hope she didn't hear me."
I spun around, unable to stop myself, and demanded, "What the hell is wrong with you?"
The lunch lady looked up, startled, and the people in front of me turned to look at me.
Kayla's eyes were dancing with all her evil, but she attempted to look innocent. "I'm sorry, Nikki, I didn't realize you were standing there."
"My ass," I tossed back. "What is your problem? I have never done a damn thing to you, and you seem to have some kind of personal vendetta against me. Why? Why is it that you hate me so much?"
If she had a reason, she sure wasn’t sharing it.
"You know what, I don't even care," I said, stepping out of line and leaving the cafeteria, not hungry enough to deal with her shit.
I realized when Andy called me after school that I was going to have to deal with him. He seemed to be under the impression that since things didn't work out with Derek I would be his again by default.
Why he would even still want me was beyond me, but he seemed to. I thought about inviting him over and talking to him, but I didn't feel like spending time with him, so instead I decided to try to catch him alone the next day.
Since Alex had been so bad at keeping up the domestic end of the household, we had virtually no groceries. After school I borrowed Alex's car and ran to the grocery store. Even the simple things like bread, milk and peanut butter seemed to be missing from our house—or if not missing, expired. We did have some chunky milk and green hot dog buns, but they weren't very appetizing.
I was in the bread aisle when I suddenly felt eyes on my back, and I looked up, turning around. Mike was standing there, looking right at me. We both stood there for a moment, just looking at each other.
Finally, I picked up my loaf of bread and put it in the cart, then I went to leave the aisle, but as I passed him I said, "Congratulations, you instilled your morals in your son."