He felt a blush steal across his cheeks. Even his ears felt hot.
‘I cannot speak of such things to you. I don’t want to corrupt you.’
‘Fustian! Talking about the sort of things men do in the pursuit of...adventure,’ she said cheekily, ‘cannot possibly corrupt me. Why, Gideon used to tell me everything.’
‘I’m sure he didn’t,’ Tom retorted. ‘A man doesn’t fill his own sister’s ears with tales of his...um, exploits of a...carnal nature.’
‘Oh, he didn’t go into detail,’ she said airily. ‘But I know he had his amorous adventures. And I know Justin has them, too. And now I come to think of it, when it comes to having a wild childhood, I don’t think there are many things you can have done that my own brothers haven’t done in their time. Fighting, stealing, plundering hapless farmers’ crops, letting bulls out of their fields, burning hay ricks, setting their terriers on to the chickens.’
‘Colonel Randall did all those things?’
‘Oh, not him, no. And the other exploits were divided up between the other three. Gideon was always getting into scrapes. But my younger brothers, the twins who are now at Eton, are positive hellions. Do you know, I don’t believe you are any worse than my own brothers. What I think is that people are painting you blacker than you are, because of what your fath
er, and grandfather did. Which is grossly unfair.’
‘There may be a nugget of truth in that. But I’m still not the kind of man Lord Randall would want you to associate with.’
She cocked her head to one side and examined him thoughtfully. ‘That is true. And you aren’t what Mama or Gussie would call eligible, either. Not a bit. Because you don’t have a title, or land, or money. Which isn’t your fault. But none of that makes you a bad man.’
‘I am the very last man any of your family would welcome as a husband for you.’
‘True,’ she said thoughtfully. ‘But then I don’t want a husband,’ she added, brightening up.
‘Do you know, it might turn out to be a jolly good thing to have lost my reputation. After this—’ she waved her hand to encompass the cramped room and Tom’s battered body lying in the bed ‘—even Mama might abandon her attempts to marry me off to someone respectable. I shouldn’t think anyone respectable would want me, now, would they?’
‘Not if they found out about it, no,’ he admitted.
‘I could go and live on one of the smaller estates, somewhere deep in the country,’ she said dreamily. ‘I wouldn’t need many servants. In fact, the fewer the better, because one thing I’ve discovered over this last week is how much simpler life is without maids and dressers fussing round me all day long. As long as I can keep Castor, and go for plenty of rides, I won’t want much else.’
Her face fell abruptly.
‘Mama will be very upset, no doubt. She has such ambition for me. And Gussie will feel guilty because Mama entrusted me to her care. Which will so infuriate Blanchards that he will probably never forgive me. He will cut me out of their lives. I shall miss them,’ she said sadly.
‘But Harriet won’t care for that. Funny, I’d always thought of Harriet as living a dreadfully dull existence with her rural dean, but one thing I will say for her—she isn’t the slightest bit fettered by convention. With her radical views, I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t become a frequent visitor. Unless—’ her face fell again ‘—she hears about my part in her friend Mary’s disappointment.’
‘Sarah.’ Tom reached for her hand, his conscience flayed raw. She was sitting there reckoning up what her association with him would cost her, while all he’d been able to think of was ways of keeping her in his life for even one more night. Of perhaps beguiling her into letting him kiss her a few more times.
‘Harry and Jack won’t be allowed to have any contact with me, naturally. Until they come of age. When, with any luck, curiosity may well drive them to seek out their notorious older sister. So, it won’t be the end of the world, will it? Being ruined, I mean. Only a bit unpleasant, at first, weathering all the scenes that are bound to lead up to my banishment.’
He couldn’t let her do it. Couldn’t let her throw her life away on his account.
‘Sarah—’ he began again.
‘Hmm?’ She turned and smiled at him. A smile of such sadness that it was like having salt flung on to an open wound.
‘It isn’t too late. For you. I’m certain that with Colonel Randall’s influence, and his money, they could find someone to marry you and bury this incident.’
Her smile faded.
‘I have no intention of letting them do any such thing,’ she said indignantly. ‘I haven’t spent the last four Seasons deliberately avoiding matrimony to surrender now, just when freedom, total freedom, is finally within my grasp.’
‘But...’
‘And another thing. Since we are both agreed that my reputation is damaged beyond repair, there doesn’t seem any point in playing at propriety any longer, does there?’
His heart gave a heavy thud, then began to race as though it would burst through his ribcage.
‘What are you saying?’