“Okay,” I say, heading toward our room.
When I look back over my shoulder, I catch him watching me walk away before he turns back around and trudges toward the lodge.
Luke
Shit.
I watch her walk away and it’s on the tip of my tongue to call to her, to say, “I didn’t mean to fall for you so quickly, but I did. I hate the thought of saying goodbye. I hate the thought of never seeing you again. Does any part of you feel the same? Does any part of you ache like hell at the thought of saying goodbye and never seeing my face again?”
But I didn’t.
I just let her walk away.
I hear Bonnie’s voice in my head—She’s good for you. —and I think about my baby daughter snuggled up on Amanda’s lap, singing campfire songs. I remember the way she looked that first day in the rain, and the way she looked last night when I made love to her. I know that I’m not in love with her. Falling in love takes a lot longer than this. But, damn it, shit and fuck my life, but I feel something, and I’m not ready to let it go. I want more time. I need more time with her—just to see what this is…or what it could become.
Resolved to talk to her back at the room, I drop off the fishing poles, and truck it back over to the room. It takes courage to lay out your feelings, especially when you don’t know if they’ll be returned, but I have to try. I won’t forgive myself if I don’t try.
I race up the stairs to our room and open the door to find Amanda
…packing?
Her duffel bag is out on the bed and she’s throwing her things into it at Mach speed.
“Uh-huh. Uh-huh. …the doctor said that? Oh, Jude…hang in there…”
She looks up at me and that’s when I realize her eyes are filled with unshed tears that she’s trying to hold back. When she sees me, her composure seems to crack a little, so I turn my back to her and quietly close the door.
Something’s going on. And it’s bad.
“J-Jude…I’m on my way…I’m c-coming.”
She crosses to the other side of the room, opens a drawer, pulls out a sweatshirt and whatever underwear she had unpacked yesterday, then jams it all into the bag.
“I’ll be there tonight…I’m on the first flight.” She runs a hand through her hair, then zips up the bag. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. Stay strong, okay? I love you guys too.”
When she lowers the phone from her face, she just stands there, staring off into space like she’s trying to come to terms with something awful.
“What happened?” I ask.
She turns to me, blinking like she’s surprised to see me. “My friend—my b-best friend…she’s like my sister…um, Leigh. She’s pregnan—no, I mean, she had the baby. But he’s—he’s not good. He’s not okay. The…the baby…” She drops to the edge of the bed, like standing hurts too much, and her shoulders start to shake. “The b-baby isn’t…ok-kay.”
A second later, I’m on my knees in front of her. “Breathe, Amanda. Just breathe.”
She leans forward until her forehead touches mine, her breath landing on my face in short stabs.
“I have—I have to g-get b-back.”
“I know. As soon as I know you’re okay, I’ll arrange everything.”
“My apartment here…m-my stuff,” she sobs.
“We’ll grab it on the way to the airport.”
“No, Luke! I’ve got to go! I’ve got to get to her! I should be th-there now!”
“I can pack up your stuff,” I say. “I can box it up tomorrow and send it to you. Don’t worry about it. Don’t think about it. Let’s just get you back to Seattle.”
Her eyes are bleak when she looks up at me. “What should I do? What the hell do I say to her?”