My mom shakes her head. “As much as I loved your father, Harrison is my soul mate. I barely knew him, and yet, my heart ached when he wasn’t around. For the longest time I thought I was betraying your father and I looked for any excuse to keep Harrison away from us.”
“How did everything change?” I ask.
“I found out he was leaving. It was the night of Liam and Josie’s wedding. I went to Josie’s old house and Harrison was packing. He was going to take Quinn and come back here, and I realized I didn’t want either of them to leave. I had already fallen in love with Quinn and the thought of not seeing him every day really hurt me. So I told Harrison he couldn’t go.”
“And that was it?”
She turns away, looking at the coffee table. If she’s trying to hide the smile on her face, she’s not doing a very good job. “The rest is–”
“How we ended up a family?”
“Exactly,” she says. “You know it took me a while to see the errs of my ways, but in the end it worked out. Are you in love with Ben?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Part of me thinks I am. My heart is broken right now, but the other part questions if it’s love or longing because Ben’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Either way, I’ve hurt him and he’s gone or ignoring me, and I want to fix things. I want to go on a date and see if we’re compatible. I don’t know, Mom. I just want Ben back in my life and I don’t know how to make it happen.
Again, I find myself in her arms, crying my eyes out. She soothes me, telling me everything will be okay. I want her confidence. I want Ben; in any capacity, he’ll take me.
“Be honest with him, Elle. Open your heart and show him that he’s welcome. If you put it out there, and he doesn’t take what you’re offering, that’s on him. All you can do is try.
She makes it sound so easy when life is nothing but a complicated mess of emotions. I’ll do what she suggests because I have nothing to lose because either Ben and I are something we’ve yet to define, or we’re nothing more than friends.
As long as I have him in my life, I’ll be okay.
22
Ben
My phone rings, startling me. The pile of cheap pasta I piled onto my fork falls back into the bowl, splashing the hot chicken flavored sauce everywhere. Okay, it’s not a lot, but still. I glance down at my phone and Peyton’s smiling face stares back at me. I haven’t spoken to her since my birthday, which now that I think about it, is a bit odd. Normally, we’ve been the once a week type friends who check in with each other. I guess after what happened with Elle, I sort of checked out, which isn’t really fair to Peyton.
“Well, hello,” I say as I answer the phone.
Peyton giggles. “You’re cheery.”
“I’m eating. What man isn’t happy when he’s stuffing food into his mouth?”
“Touché. So what’re you up to?” she asks. I can already tell she’s fishing, but what I don’t know is if it’s for Elle or for herself. It could be that Quinn hasn’t seen me around and said something to Peyton. I suppose he could say something to Elle, but I’m not sure he would, given he’s been upset with her over her partying.
“You’re going to be a reporter, and that’s what you lead with?”
“Ha! I’m going to be a sideline reporter or sitting at a desk where everything will be typed out for me on the teleprompter. However, if you were one of the players I’m interviewing, I’d lead with: tell me, Ben, you’ve disappeared. Where have you gone?”
I sigh, pick up my bowl and carry it to the sink. What’s left of my lunch is now slipping down the drain, much like my life had been. “I’m in New York.”
“Visiting your mom?”
Crap, I forgot to call my mom. I make a mental note to do that when I get off the phone with Peyton if time allows. Glancing quickly at the clock, I don’t think I’ll have much time, given that my lunch hour is nearly up, but I do need to call her and ask if she’d like to visit. “No, I’m working. I was offered an internship at Omni, and I took it.”
“Does Elle know?”
I shake my head, wishing Peyton could at least feel my phone moving back and forth. One of my co-workers walks in, and I say hi, hoping Peyton doesn’t mind that I’m ignoring her question. Deep down, I’m hoping she forgets and asks me something else, but I’m only kidding myself thinking she would. The twins remember everything.
“Ben, can you talk right now?”
I look at the clock again and know I can’t, but I don’t want to have this conversation later either. “Hold on one second,” I tell Peyton as I walk back toward my desk. Talia is there and gives me a smile that has so much meaning behind it. We’ve been growing closer for the past week or so, even though I’m not sure I’m ready to pursue anything with her. I’m tempted, but I don’t want to ruin our working relationship. That doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about her writhing underneath me. Of course, her face always ends up with Elle’s by the time my little fantasy plays out.
“Talia, I have to go take this call. I’ll be in the conference room if anyone needs me.”
She eyes me cautiously. Taking time away from our desks, while allowed, is sort of frowned upon. Our lunches are short because we’re expected to be ready for our manager at any given time. I’d probably be the same way if Talia were to say this to me. “Okay, Ben.”