I walk away, and when I turn to look over my shoulder, she’s staring at me. I’d be an idiot not to pursue something with her. Talia’s beautiful, smart, kind and makes me laugh. We’re stuck in a work situation and both facing graduation when we return to our normal lives. I don’t want to start something we’ll both regret later. Yet, I do, because I want to get over Elle, even though I don’t imagine I ever will, but using Talia to do it, isn’t right and I don’t want to hurt her.
I take a deep breath and say, “Okay, I have a bit more privacy.”
“Ben, what’s going on?”
“It’s a long story, Peyton. But, uh… before the quarter ended, I was offered a coveted spot in New York with this firm, and I took it.”
“I’m not talking about New York. I’m talking about why you didn’t tell Elle?”
The conference room has floor to ceiling windows
, much like most of the high rise buildings in New York. From this vantage point, I can see the Statue of Liberty, the greenish woman who greeted millions of immigrants into America, and who represents freedom. Except, I don’t feel free because I still feel like Elle is everywhere, trying to invade this tiny bit of solitude I’ve made for myself, even though it has a looming expiration date. The return to California is going to happen whether I want it to or not, and the lie I’ve been living will come to a halt.
“Ben?”
“I’m here, Peyton.”
“Listen, Elle told me something while we were in Aruba—”
“You went to Aruba?” I ask, interrupting her.
“We did, for spring break. We needed to get away, and we did some wedding planning.”
What did Elle need to get away from? Me? Her life? Did she even realize I was gone? “I see,” I say as if I’m hurt, and maybe I am even though I have no right to be. I left and told no one. I can’t honestly expect the twins and Quinn to include me in everything. Knowing they didn’t, really hits home. Coming here was the right thing to do. I need the separation from the Powell-James family, even if it kills me. “What did Elle say?”
“That you guys slept together, and I don’t mean taking a nap on her couch, Ben. Did you?”
I close my eyes and images of Elle, throwing her head back as I entered her come rushing back. I’ve tried to block them out, but it never happens. For as long as I live, I’ll be haunted by that night.
“Ben?”
“I’m here.”
“Help me understand, Ben, because I don’t. I know you love my sister so if you were finally together, why are you hiding in New York?”
“I’m not hiding, Peyton. I didn’t tell you or Quinn because I didn’t want Elle to know. That night… everything changed.”
“But this is what you wanted. I’m confused, Ben.”
“Because she didn’t remember, Peyton.” My teeth clench together. I pinch the bridge of my nose to try to calm down. I’m on the verge of having every emotion come out of me from anger to tears. “She didn’t remember,” I say again, this time more quietly.
“Oh, Ben,” her voice breaks. I’m tempted to hang up now because I don’t want to hear the pity in her voice. “Elle remembers. The details are fuzzy, but she knows, and she’s been trying to be a better person. She doesn’t understand why you lied to her.”
“Because I went to kiss her in the morning and she shunned me, asking me what had happened between us. I felt like I had to lie to save face.”
Now that I’m on the phone with Peyton, what if I made a mistake by not telling Elle? What if things could’ve been different if she knew the truth? Or worse. Elle could’ve easily stopped talking to me, but she didn’t. She’s tried every day, up until I told her I had a girlfriend, which she accepted and has since kept her distance. Truth is, I miss her and her stupid text messages.
“I’m so sorry, Ben. I know I can’t make excuses for my sister and what happened that morning, but I think you really need to talk to her.”
“I can’t, Peyton. The rejection—”
“I know. I’ve been there, remember?”
I do, all too clearly. When Peyton finally thought she and Noah were going to be together, a bombed dropped on their little bubble of happiness. It about destroyed Peyton, but also brought us closer. We shared a common theme, being in love with someone who can’t or doesn’t love you back. I confided in her, things I haven’t even told my brother.
“It’s too late, Peyton. I took a chance when I knew I shouldn’t, and it backfired, in the worst possible way.”
“Ben—”