“What are they doing?”
“Everyone’s surfing, except for Ben. He’s… looking around.”
“Do you think he’s looking for you?”
“No, he’s mad at me.”
“Why’s Ben mad, Elle?”
“I hurt him.”
“Do you know what you did?”
“Yes.”
“Does Ben want to talk to you?”
“No, he keeps walking away.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I hurt him.”
“What did you do, Elle?”
“I kissed him.”
“Did he push you away?”
“Yes, he did, but I kissed him again and again. We fought. He asked me if I’m sure.”
“What did you tell him?”
“Yes.”
“What happened that night, Elle? Why is Ben upset with you?”
“Because we had…”
My arm goes up. I’m not sure if it’s instinctual or not, but I’m angry. Not only at myself, but also at the fact that I’m awake. “Put me back under.”
Dr. Sanders shakes her head. “I think you have your answer.”
“But what if I don’t?”
“What do you remember, Elle?”
I rub my face, pushing away the uneasiness I feel. “Ben and I…” I have trouble forming the sentence that has damaged our relationship. “We crossed the line.”
“Is his pain from the act?” she asks.
Shaking my head, I wipe away the tears streaming down my face as the memories of that night come flooding back. “I hurt him,” I choke out. “I shunned him when I woke up, and he lied to me.”
“Why do you think he lied?”
“To protect me?” I question, but she doesn’t have the answer, only Ben does, which means I need to find him so we can hash things out once and for all.
Dr. Sanders hands me a few tissues and gives me a moment to collect my thoughts. “Do you feel as if you have your answer?”