“She’s under your roof and with her family. She is safe and needs space. Lord, you’re such a miserable, overprotective asswipe.”
“And you’re an irritating little brat.”
“Enough,” Mom’s voice cuts in, breaking up the siblings who I can only imagine are nose to nose right now, with Willow tapping her pointer finger on my dad’s chest with every word she speaks. Soon silence settles and I reach for the fortune cookie that was near the journal. It’s another quirky thing about my family; well, it’s more like Miles’s and Willow’s thing. They collect them and save each fortune. They claim it’s what brought them together.
I crack open the cookie ca
tching the crumbs with my hands and placing everything but the narrow piece of paper on my nightstand. Not even a fortune cookie sounds appetizing right now. Let’s see what my future holds.
Tough decisions will have to be made. Stay strong to your roots and soar.
If I had enough energy to laugh at this evil joke I would. It would all be too easy if it were as simple as the fortune. But then there is a tiny whisper in the back of my head that maybe it can really be this simple. The events from the day catch up to me and before I know it my eyelids are fluttering shut. No dreams ever come. The only thing is a peaceful slumber.
4
The great thing about the beginning of summer is that Dad and Mac are out working from sunup to sundown. I’ve had the last three days to myself in the house. I’ve helped Mom prep meals and even put together some of her vinyl signs to take to her shop, ironically enough called The Shop. But besides that, I’ve been left alone to hole up in my bedroom and write in my journal. Aunt Willow has kept her distance but subtly checks on me. I’ve avoided a few family swim trips down at the pond and trips to the ice cream shop, but I’m no fool, and know all of my family will start asking questions soon.
There’s still no word from Braxton. I broke down last night and texted him, getting absolutely nothing but silence in return. This morning I forced myself to shut off my phone and tuck it away. Hell, being back here in my tiny hometown there’s no need for it anyway. You can get a hold of anyone, anywhere, at any time, no cellphone needed. I hated this growing up because it meant your parents found out what and how big you screwed up before you got home.
I pick at the grilled burger on my plate before flopping back on my bed. My appetite is still hit or miss. I’m not even sure what sets off the vomiting spells. I’m thankful I’ve been able to conceal it whenever it hits. I know it won’t last much longer.
Dad and the rest of the men and boys are at some tractor customer appreciation bullshit dinner or something like that. The rest of the crew is downstairs cooking up a storm for the celebration tomorrow.
I flip through the pages I’ve written in the last few days. It’s my reality staring right back at me. Some of it is ugly, while most of the parts are beautiful and I find myself the most excited about them. The page labeled “Braxton” is the hardest to view. I had to say goodbye to him. He’s made it clear how he feels about our situation. Well, now my situation. He’s not the man I thought he was. I guess it’s better to find this out now than five years down the road. That’s what I keep telling myself.
Without thinking, I reach into the drawer of my nightstand and pull out my phone. A sense of freedom and strength takes over me for the briefest of seconds. I’m the only person that can give Braxton control over me and I refuse to do that. The powerful women in my life have taught me no matter how dismal the situation may appear, there is still a choice to be made. And I have to move forward. I turn it on and set it down on the pillow next to me, ignoring all the notifications.
I have no idea how much time passes before there’s a knock at my door and my mom walks in. She’s so damn beautiful, not aging a minute with her thick curly hair and youthful skin.
“Want some company?” she asks, creeping my way with tiny steps.
I nod and pat the bed next to me. She curls right up next to me like she used to do every night until I left for college. She never missed a night, well, except the night Mac was born. She’s always been my person.
Mom doesn’t say anything for a long time, running her fingers through my tangly hair. She hums for a while, causing my eyelids to flutter shut. She drags her finger down my cheek, rubbing in small soothing circles.
“When are you going to tell your dad?” Her whispered question shatters the silence surrounding us.
My eyes pop wide open and my throat dries to sandpaper. I open my mouth, but nothing comes up.
“I know you’re afraid to tell him, but he’ll be crushed knowing you kept it a secret, honey.” She brushes back my bangs. “We love you unconditionally, always.”
“Willow?” I ask.
“She knows?” Mom comes back with a question of her own.
I nod.
She puffs out air in frustration, doing her best to conceal it. “No, Willow didn’t say a word. I’ve been around the block a time or two and knew the moment you walked in the door.”
“I broke down the other night and Willow was there.” I roll over on my back staring at the ceiling with tears stinging the edges of my eyes until they spill over. “It’s not like I confide in her.”
Mom grabs my hand. “It’s okay. Yeah, it stings a bit, but I get it and I’m glad she was there for you.”
“I’m scared.”
“I bet you are.” She squeezes my hand.
“Dad is going to be so disappointed in me. He may do his best to hide it, but I know he will be.”