“No, I never thought that. It was more me. I’m the problem.” Dusty’s heart fluttered. Now was the moment of truth. She had to tell him, and she had to face the fact that he might not be able to handle it. “You see, there’s a good chance the leukemia has returned.”
Tears formed in her eyes, but he brushed them away. His touch was loving, concerned.
“Do you know for sure?”
“No. I get the results of my blood test tomorrow. But I had a test three weeks ago that showed an elevated white cell count, and I’ve been feeling like crap lately. I’m tired, and I’ve been sick to my stomach. Although I feel okay right now.”
“Anything else?”
“I have a bruise on my thigh.” She shifted so he could see the contusion.
“Just one bruise?”
“Yes. But I can’t remember how I got it.”
He chuckled. “You work your pretty bottom off on a ranch all day and you can’t recall bumping your thigh?”
“This isn’t funny.”
“I know it’s not.” He fingered her hair, twirling it. “But Dusty, one bruise isn’t anything to worry about.”
“I suppose not, but along with the fatigue and the nausea, and my elevated white count a few weeks ago…”
“When do you find out tomorrow?”
“The doctor said he’d call as soon as he knew anything.”
“Then we won’t worry about it for now. Whatever tomorrow brings, we’ll face it together.”
“You still want me?”
“Christ, Dusty. What do you think?” He kissed her hard.
She broke away. “You don’t know everything.”
“What else is there to know?”
“I can’t give you what you need, Zach. Even if I go into remission again.”
“What is it that you think I need, other than you, darlin’?”
“A family. Babies, Zach. I can’t give you a child.”
“Because of the chemo?”
“Yeah. I’m infertile. It happens sometimes in women. It happened to me.”
“I’m so sorry, darlin’. You’d have been a wonderful, loving mother. You still can be. We can adopt. Hell, we’ll adopt a whole ton of kids if that’s what you want.”
“It’s not the same.”
“No, it’s not.” His tone was serious. “I’m sorry I won’t be able to share that with you, to make a baby with you. Mostly because I know how much it would mean to you. But I still want you. I still love you.”
Dusty clamped her arms around him and sank into his hard, warm chest. A giant anvil that had been hovering over her had suddenly disappeared. She kissed his neck, his ears, his beautiful face. “You’re the most wonderful man in the entire world.”
“Then I assume you’ll want to marry me?” He smiled.
“If it’s what you want, Zach.”