“It’s not like that, baby. It’s a two-way street. We please each other. It’s all about pleasure for both the Dom and the sub.”
This was all a lot to digest. “Did you…enjoy those things? The candles and the needles?”
“Even though they’re not really my thing, I did, but only because she enjoyed them. You have to understand the Dominant personality. Yes, I like to be in charge, but it’s never my desire to hurt anyone. I want to ultimately bring pleasure, not pain. Sometimes, though, pain is pleasure.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever understand that.”
“You may not. I’ve often wondered myself why this is the type of play that appeals to me. You’re a therapist, so you tell me. Why do you suppose I like that?”
Nothing like being put on the spot. “Honestly, the type of sex a person likes has very little to do with other parts of his life. But if I had to make a guess, I’d say you need to be in control.”
“Why would I need to be in control? I mean, I used to go to skid row and deliberately get beat up, just so I could punish myself for not being there for Talon.”
I nearly snapped my neck with a double take. “You did? You did that on purpose?”
“Aw, hell… I never told you that, did I? Fuck.”
My heart went out to him. “You can tell me anything. You know that. Nothing will change the way I feel about you.”
“I’m not sure that’s true…”
“Of course it’s true. How could you doubt my love for you?”
He didn’t respond.
“You don’t go out looking for trouble anymore, do you?”
“No. I haven’t had a desire to. But wouldn’t it make more sense if I wanted to take a submissive role in the bedroom?”
“No. Not at all. You’re a heterosexual male, so you have sex with women. Women didn’t abuse Talon. Men did. So you were trying to be punished by men because you felt it should have been you instead of Talon. But in your relationships with women, you like to exert control, and that could be because of any number of things. There could be no bigger explanation for them than that you’re the owner of a very successful ranch. Your whole life is about control.”
“You think?”
I smiled. “Jonah, it takes months of therapy to uncover things like this. That’s just my best guess at this point.”
“I see. I hope you’re not sorry I told you these things.”
I touched his face. “Not at all. It helps me understand you a little bit better to be honest. But truthfully…I don’t think I want to go to your club.”
“It’s not my club. I told you, I haven’t been there in over five years, and I have no desire to go there anymore. I’ve grown out of a lot of that stuff. Whether that’s good or bad, I don’t know. Some people live their whole lives in that lifestyle. Others just experiment. Everyone is different.”
“Are you saying you were experimenting?”
“With Kerry, because she was into some stuff that I wasn’t. And with the others…some yes and some no.”
“I think… I think I’ve heard enough for now.”
“At least you’re not running out of here.”
“No. I won’t leave you. I love you. And your past is part of who you are today. But I need to go slowly.”
“I understand. Today I was determined just to make slow, sweet love to you, Melanie. I wanted to do what you wanted, what you deserved. Because that’s how much I love you. I want to please you more than I want to please myself. I wasn’t even going to lick you…down there.” He smiled. “But when you asked me to, I couldn’t help myself.”
I smiled. “I never thought I would enjoy anal play. I had no idea that part of me was so sensitive.”
“It’s pretty amazing.”
“It is.” I somehow felt very daring. “So turn over. Let’s see how you like it.”