I cleared my throat. “No. I’m not ready for anything like that, and neither is she.” Clearly, since she hadn’t been able to leave my home fast enough.
“Jonah—” my brother said.
He never called me Jonah. Always Joe. Something serious was about to go down.
“You always try to do what’s best for everybody else. Don’t you think it’s time to do something for yourself?”
“And banging Melanie Carmichael is supposed to be for me?” I rolled my eyes.
“No, I’m not talking about ‘banging.’ I’m talking about something more. I never thought I was capable of having a relationship, but then Jade arrived in my life like a hurricane. She whirled around me and wouldn’t let me go, and she’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I know. I’m really happy for you.” And I was. My brother’s happiness meant everything to me.
“Good. Be happy for me. And part of being happy for me means you can stop worrying about me. I’m healing. I have Jade. I have a relationship that makes me happy—so happy it’s sickening, really. So stop feeling like you have to be responsible for me.”
If only it were that easy. Trying to see Melanie Carmichael as a therapist hadn’t worked. I hadn’t been able to keep my mind on anything other than her.
But maybe I could see another therapist.
And maybe not.
The truth of the matter was, I didn’t want to talk to anyone except Melanie, but I feared she had her own issues now. And her behavior today had made it clear exactly what she thought of me. I thought again about the phone call she had made to me earlier. Maybe I should’ve picked it up. But I was a little too angry with her to deal with her right now.
She didn’t want to deal with me when I was angry. No one did.
“It’s not that easy, Talon.”
“Don’t you think I know that? If anyone knows that things aren’t always easy, it’s me. Believe me, if I can get through this shit, you can.”
“If I had been doing my job, you wouldn’t have gone through any of it.”
“Oh, for God’s sake. When was it your job to keep your eyes on me every minute? I had my own mind, you know.”
“You were ten. You didn’t know what you were doing.”
“And you were twelve.”
“A few days from my thirteenth birthday.”
“So fucking what? You were a kid, Joe. A kid. Get that through that thick skull of yours.”
“I was the oldest. I was supposed to keep my eye on you two.”
“Says who? Dad? So what? He was far from perfect, and he did a lot of shit that he shouldn’t have. Why the hell did he sweep all of this under the rug? If he hadn’t, the three of us wouldn’t have to be dealing with it now. Maybe Dad didn’t make the right decision. Maybe Dad was wrong.”
“He wasn’t wrong about me being responsible for you two.”
“How can you say that? Of course he was wrong. You were a kid. A twelve-year-old kid. No twelve-year-old kid should be saddled with the responsibility of two younger kids. We had a mother. We had a father. It’s not like you were all we had. You shouldn’t have been charged with our protection. You were one of us. Let. It. Go.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
“It may not. But Mom and Dad weren’t perfect. They failed me. And they failed you, too. For whatever reason they thought they had to, they hid what happened to me and I was never able to deal with it then. It took me twenty-five years. Twenty-five fucking years, Joe, to even admit that this happened, to be able to say the word ‘rape’ out loud. I lost twenty-five years of my life, and for what? I don’t even know why they did it.”
“I guess that’s what this trip is for—to find out.”
“What if Wendy doesn’t know? What if she doesn’t have the answers we need?”
I sighed. “She may not. But she does have information. She told Jade she did.”