I had been feeling good. I had been feeling so relaxed, so complete, so at peace. So…in love.
She squeezed my hand. Again. “So it’s a good thing, Talon. You were relaxed, and you felt good.”
I dropped my gaze to the floor. “I need to leave now.”
“Please, Talon. Stay.”
“How can you ask me that after what just happened?”
She cupped my cheeks and forced me to look into her eyes. The silvery-blue was misted over with tears, and my heart nearly broke.
“I trust you,” she said.
My eyes filled, and one tear dripped down my cheek.
She thumbed it away. “It’s okay.”
But it wasn’t okay. I had made the decision to get help, and I would still do that. I would not try to take my own life again. Because even after what had just happened, I still wanted to live. I didn’t want to put my brothers and my sister through the agony of losing me.
I let out a huff. That last thought was true, yes, but another reason existed. Of course I didn’t want my brothers and sister to suffer, but the real reason I wanted to live was standing right in front of me.
Jade. I would do this for Jade.
Even if we could never be together, just the thought of her being in this world gave me hope. Hope that I could heal. Hope that someone wonderful could feel for me. Hope that I could persevere.
I stood. “I can’t stay, blue eyes. I would never forgive myself if I slipped into a dream and did something terrible to you.”
She tugged on my hand. “I won’t let you. You won’t let you.”
I shook my head. “I can’t take that risk.”
“Are you saying this is…over?” Her beautiful red lips turned down into a frown, and her eyes were laced with sadness.
I should’ve told her yes, it was over. God knew I had told her that many times before. But not this time.
“No. I don’t think this will ever be over between us, Jade.” I stroked her cheek with my thumb and threaded my fingers through her disheveled hair. “But I have to put this…on hold for now.”
“Why?”
“Just some things I have to figure out.” I grabbed my shirt and put it on.
“What things?”
“Things I don’t have any control over right now.”
“You mean what happened overseas?”
“Sort of. I’m going to get some…” God, why was the word so hard to say?
She squeezed my hand, tugging a bit.
I forced the word out of my mouth. “Help.”
And just like that, a giant weight lifted itself from my shoulders. I was going to get help. I wanted to get help. Not just for Jade. Not just for Ryan and Jonah and Marj.
For me. I wanted to get help for me.
“What kind of help?” she asked.