do that?” I asked quietly.
“Do what?” she asked as she took the last bite of her pizza, chewing carefully as she watched my face.
“You turn everything into a sexual innuendo.”
“Everything is a sexual innuendo,” she replied, giving me a perplexed look.
I cleared my lap and put the car in gear, pulling out of the parking space. I shook my head in consternation. She wouldn’t understand it even if I explained.
“Tell me what you mean,” she prompted. “You were talking about your left nut,” she rushed to say.
“I was joking.”
“So was I.”
“No, you were enticing.” I didn’t look at her. I couldn’t right now.
“You think I’m enticing?”
I heaved out a sigh. This was getting me nowhere.
“Don’t pretend like you don’t want to sleep with me, Clark,” she said. “You do. You know you do. I know you do. Now we all know you do.” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Tell me a lie. Tell me you don’t want to fuck me, Clark,” she said.
I pulled into a parking space in front of the rec center and put the car in park. Then I sat for a moment and thought. “Many years ago, I met a woman who changed my life.”
“Who was she?”
“My wife.”
She went absolutely still. “You said you weren’t married.”
“I’m not. Not anymore.”
“Okay.”
“But the woman, you remind me a lot of her.”
“How so?”
“She was beautiful.”
Her gaze softened.
“She was smart.”
She began to smile.
“And she was crazy as fuck.”
I expected to see her face fall, but it didn’t. She still looked elated. “Where is she now?”
“That’s not important.”
“Then why are you telling me this story?”
“Because the moment I met that woman, I wanted to fuck her. I let her gorgeous legs and her fuckable mouth take over all my common sense. I wanted her, and I fucked her, and then my life went to shit. So forgive me if I choose to overlook your overt fuckability, Shelly. Once burned, twice shy, and all that.” I heaved out a sigh. “So from now on, if you could keep your smart little innuendos to yourself, I would greatly appreciate it.”
She reached over and opened her car door. “Thanks for the pizza,” she said. “And I hope I never have to see that twat again.” Then she stepped out. She looked back just before the door closed, bending so she could talk to me through the open door. “For what it’s worth, you’re letting one bad woman spoil the whole bunch.” Then she closed the door, slamming it very gently.