“Dad, this is Jake,” Katie said. The man still hadn’t stepped to the side, so I didn’t know if I should wait or leave or kiss his ass.
“Jake?” he asked. “As in the horny sixteen-year-old Jake that Old Man Jacobson warned us about?” He tipped his head back a little so he could look down his very impressive nose at me.
“I’m not horny, sir,” I said, my gut roiling. I might just toss up that beer after all.
“You do have a penis, don’t you, son?” he asked. He leaned forward like he was looking for mine, which was enough to make my balls all but shrivel up inside me.
“Would you leave the boy alone?” someone called from behind them both. He caught the door and opened it, then stepped up beside Katie’s dad. “He’s trembling in his flip flops, Dan. Let him inside.”
Dan stepped back and motioned for me to proceed. I did so on shaky legs.
“I’m Erik Jacobson, Jr. Everyone calls me Jake.” I said. I held out my hand like my dad taught me to do. No cold fish handshakes allowed from a Jacobson. No sirree. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Dan Higgins,” the man said, and he squeezed my hand so hard I wanted to drop to my knees.
“Knock it off!” the other man snarled. Mr. Higgins let me go.
“Jake, this is my dad.” She set her hands on his broad shoulders and peeped at me over his shoulder. Then she jerked her thumb toward the other guy. “And this is my Uncle Adam.”
Adam extended his hand and I found his grip to at least be tolerable.
“So sorry Dan started out by looking for your dick. You can take the boy out of the junior high school, but you can’t take the junior high school out of the boy.” He shoved Dan’s shoulder.
I saw that they had a Scrabble game set up on the table, but they hadn’t even set up any tiles. “Who won?” I asked, nodding toward the game.
Dan smirked until Adam gave him a dirty look. He swiped a hand across his mouth like he was wiping away a grin.
“I totally won,” Dan said on a laugh. Adam’s cheeks turned rosy.
“I love Scrabble,” I said.
Adam snorted. Dan growled at me. “Under no circumstances will you be playing Scrabble with our daughter.”
I looked from one to the other. “Our daughter?” I asked. “Like, both of you?”
“Get the boy a chair before he faints,” Adam called as he walked toward the tiny kitchen. “Anybody want some ice cream?”
“As long as it’s cool and wet, I’ll take it,” Dan called back.
“That’s not what you said earlier,” Adam returned.
Katie laughed into her palm. “I am so sorry,” she murmured to me.
I scratched my head. “I’m so confused.”
Dan walked into the kitchen and stood behind Adam. They touched one another at times, and I suddenly got it.
“He’s not your uncle, is he?”
Katie winced. “No, he is.”
“Then Dan’s not your dad.”
She winced again. “No, he is my dad. It’s sort of complicated.”
“It’s not complicated at all,” Adam said as he started to ladle ice cream into bowls. “Doofus here had some sperm he wanted to give up. And my sister just happened to have some ovaries and a uterus for rent, not to mention an egg or two and some DNA that’s a lot like mine. So she volunteered to give us the eggs and let us lease the uterus. Then she shagged ass.”
“Your mom left?” I asked Katie.