Jarett
Never seen a newborn before. We’re allowed to see it behind the glass, and then Merc sweettalks one of the nurses into letting us see when she bathes it.
Him. It’s a boy.
So we’re standing there, watching as she cleans him up, again behind the glass, and fuck, he’s wrinkly, and ugly, and so fucking small I’d crush him if I had to hold him.
His dick is microscopic. Was mine like that once?
Shit.
Okay, so he isn’t all ugly. He’s kinda cute, too, I guess, and the look on Gigi’s face as she looks at him is… priceless. She’s fucking ecstatic.
That’s kinda hot.
Ah man, I’m totally fucked. Has to be the sleepless night, and the stress, making me think that the combination of babies and Gigi is cute, and hot.
Making me hard.
“Oh God, isn’t he beautiful?” Mrs. Watson—Maggie—says at some point and looks up at me from her wheelchair, eyes shining.
“Yeah, sure. I mean, yeah.”
Awkward.
“Sorry.” She takes my hand in hers and smiles. “It’s a mother/grandmother thing. Our children and grandchildren are the most beautiful, the best in the whole world, or so they seem to us.”
I swallow past a mysterious knot in my throat. “He’s not bad-looking for a baby.”
Her smile turns brilliant. “You’re such a nice boy, Jarett Lowe.”
I frown. “I’m not…”
Not nice. Not a Lowe, either.
But she doesn’t seem to notice. “My Gigi likes you a lot, and I can see why. You’re a heart-breaker. Not just because you’re handsome, but because you’re so sad. Trust my daughter. She will make you smile again.”
“I trust her. It’s myself I don’t trust.”
“Then you should. She loves unconditionally, my younger daughter. She’s bright like a star, with a core of dark and steel. If you love her, give yourself to her. Jarett…” She squeezes my hand, and I look down at her. “You need to make new promises. Ones you can keep, and that will make you happy.”
In the bubble I’ve been floating in since this morning when Gigi called, I nod, and it seems reasonable, and doable. Break with the past. Grab Gigi and walk toward the future.
Cut ties with the sinking boats, the wrecks that keep dragging me down.
But how can I betray them? They ferried me over to the other side when I was the one sinking.
Merc is drinking coffee and talking with a tall, blond guy who is apparently the brother of Matt, the husband of the sister who just had the baby. His wife is with him, a cute girl whose name I didn’t retain, as is an older lady who is Matt’s mom. She has brought two kids with her. Matt’s kids from a previous marriage?
I don’t ask. My mind’s reeling. So much family. Family who seem to get along, no less. Scratch that, they seem to care for each other. They’re all smiles as they pat each other on the back, as if congratulating one another for the new baby, asking for news and making arrangements to meet.
I never had any siblings, not before Sebastian. Or even many friends, moving from foster home to foster home, constantly changing schools and neighborhoods. I’m a lone wolf, and always have been.
Not sure how I feel about this. It’s like being in the gang, only these people don’t traffic drugs and don’t rob stores. They aren’t bad people.
They’re Gigi’s family. Of course they aren’t fucking bad.
But I am. And I don’t know how I fit in here. If I do. If I could.