“You’ve told me his name before.”
“He was a cop. A cool guy. He trained me to use a knife, and a gun, and in a mixture of martial arts. Wanted me to be ready for the world. But then he got killed in a shoot-out with a gang. Just like that, he was fucking gone, too.”
God. I don’t know what to say. He’s shaking, as if battling some great emotion, but his eyes are dry.
So I just hold him, wrap around him as much as the hard plastic seats allow us, until his breathing eases.
“This is fucked up,” he finally says. “I’m supposed to distract you.”
“You’re doing a good job,” I whisper.
“Gigi…”
“I like knowing more about you. Not,” I hurry to add, “that I like what you said. That they died, I mean. I’m so sorry for that. I…”
“It’s okay.” But he pulls me more tightly to his side, his arm heavy around my shoulders. “I know.”
And then the doctor comes out to tell us everything went fine, and that both the mother and baby are well and resting.
Little Bean is finally here, and Jarett is beside me.
When Merc rolls Mom into the ward a little later in a wheelchair, and we are told we’ll get to see the baby through the glass, everything’s right with the world.
Please, let it stay this way.
“Want to hold him?” Octavia asks, holding the baby out to me. She looks tired and pale, but she’s smiling.
“I’ll drop him!” I receive him in my arms anyway, delighted and scared. His weight is almost nonexistent. “Oh my God.”
He’s wrapped up like a taco in a blue blanket, his tiny, wrinkled face and his little hands the only visible parts of him. His eyes squint up at me, dark and shiny.
“He likes you,” Octavia says.
I consider this dubious statement. “I read somewhere that babies can’t even see properly the first few months.”
She huffs, closing her eyes. “Really?”
“But you like me, don’t you, baby-boo?” Bean is squirming in my hold, his little fists waving, and I make faces at him. “Auntie Gigi will take good care of you.”
Octavia snickers.
“We’ll be best friends.” I glance at her. “Does he have a name yet?”
She shakes her head.
“Bean it is, then.”
“Is Jarett here with you?” My sister is watching me carefully.
“Yeah.”
“Did you get the clues you were looking for, then?”
“I did.” I rock Bean a little. “And he’s been wonderful.”
Octavia settles back in her nest of pillows, smiling at me. “I’m glad. Love isn’t an easy thing to bear, and it’s much heavier when you do it alone.”
Chapter Thirty