Kaden in a frilly white apron and nothing else, a spatula in his hand. I remember that day. He tried to make pancakes for me. Almost burned the apartment down.
Not because he can’t cook, but because we got distracted. I got distracted. How could I not when he was practically naked in my kitchen? God…
This is torture. Seeing him will hurt so badly, but thinking of him helpless and confused in a hospital room also cuts deep.
The things you do to me, Kade… And the things I do for you.
Chapter Seven
Kaden
The nurse is fussing.
I may be feeling weird and kinda out of my body here, but I’m not stupid. She has fixed the covers over my legs, like, ten times, and asked me if I need anything else for the third? Or fourth time?
Or was it another nurse?
I frown, and then grit my teeth because frowning makes the headache worse. I’m pretty damn sure it’s the same nurse. Or else I’m going crazy and nobody’s got the balls to let me know the truth.
Matt would tell me, though, right?
Right?
I close my eyes, wishing the pounding in my head to go away and my mind to fucking clear.
When I blink them open again, the nurse is gone and my mom is sitting in a chair beside my bed.
God, I hate these weird little time jumps. So fucking disorienting.
“Mom.” My voice sounds like rusty nails so I grab for the glass of water by my bed only to find it gone. “What the fuck.”
“Kaden, language.”
The chiding is familiar – mom still can’t accept I swear like a sailor, although according to Matt I started doing it in the womb – but her heart isn’t in it.
I sit up as best I can, because the damn room keeps tilting to one side, and what’s up with that, huh? “You all right, mom? Is…?” I rub my forehead, as if that will stop the pain. “Is Hailey okay? What aren’t you telling me?”
“Psh,” she says and looks away, her cheeks coloring. “Nothing.”
Okay, Mom is a really bad liar.
“You know I can tell there’s something you’re not saying.” My mind automatically cycles back to my girl. “Is it Hailey? Is that why she’s not here? Were we in an accident together?” My eyes burn and I hate this emo shit. Why are my eyes burning? I haven’t cried since I was a toddler. “I need to know. Please.”
“Oh Kaden.” She hauls herself out of the hard, plastic chair – she has gained some weight since dad died, and it doesn’t help with the arthritic pain she has in her hips and knees. She leans over the bed, and pats my cheek, giving me her warm smile, the one that always made me feel like a winner as I grew up, even when I lost. “Hailey is just fine. Stop worrying about her. She will be here today, okay?”
I nod, not trusting my voice, or my eyes that keep doing that burning-wet thing.
Fuck me.
“Did you feel like that?” I eventually ask, after she has sat back down and I’ve gotten my face and voice under some semblance of control. “With dad?”
“Like what, honey?”
“Like…” Talking about feelings is hard. Never done that before. The only person I’ve ever been real close to is Matt and he left town when he turned eighteen to work in fucking Milwaukee. He met his wife, got married, had kids, and we barely saw each other. Not that I’d talk to him about something as girly as feelings. Matt was always a tough, serious older brother. I never felt I could…
“Like?” Mom prompts. “Feel like?”
Oh yeah. Why do I keep losing my train of thought? I feel like a train wreck. “Like… life really fucking sucks when she’s not here, you know? Everything sucks.”