The shocked silence that follows my words barely registers over the boom of my heartbeat in my ears. All I can see is three white faces, three pairs of wide eyes staring back at me.
Then Gigi laughs, a high, nervous sound. “What is this, a prank? Did your boss put you up to it, now that you sleep with him?”
“Gigi!” Mom snaps, and Gigi flinches.
“You trust what Ross tells you,” Mom mutters, her face pale, her eyes glittering, “and come here accusing me of things—”
“Mom.” In her eyes, the brief moment she lifts them to mine, there is no shock, no surprise. Only fear and sadness. “Just tell me the truth. Please?”
She swallows hard. “I didn’t… plan it this way, Tati. You have to believe me. I always thought, they’re still too young, I’ll tell them next year. And then the year after.”
“It’s true?” Merc whispers. “This is true?”
“Mom. Why?” Gigi’s face is red, her lips trembling. “Jasper Jones, that worthless piece of shit?”
“Gigi—”
“And Ross… is my half-brother?” Merc goes on, as if in a trance. “That asshole?”
“Merc,” Mom snaps, her hands twisting in her lap, her lips white. “Language.”
“Fuck language. Fuck Ross.” Merc shoots to his feet, his face stony. “You should have told us, Mom. You should have fucking told us, and we should have left this fucking town ages ago.”
We all watch open-mouthed as Merc, sweet Merc, storms out of the living room.
Then Mom starts to cry. I’ve never seen or heard mom cry before, and it’s a knife to my gut. Gigi shoots me a glance that’s a mixture between this-is-all-your-fault and do-something!
“Mom…” I start but don’t know what to say. I get up and go to sit beside her on the loveseat, take her hands in mine. “Mom. Listen…”
Gigi sits on Mom’s other side, leans her head on Mom’s shoulder. “It’s all true, then?”
Mom nods, sniffles. “I was in love. I thought he was, too. With me.”
“He was married,” I say softly. “He was having an affair with you.”
“He said he was leaving his wife. How was I to know it wouldn’t happen? Every time I got pregnant he said he’d sent the papers to his lawyer, and then… nothing. After that, I thought it was better not to have him involved in our lives at all.”
Oh Mom… I put my arms around her, like I’d done with Matt earlier. She loved Jasper. Maybe still does. And although Jasper is an asshole, who knows how he was with her? Who knows how love works?
Didn’t I fall in love with Matt while he acted like a douchebag, hurting my feelings, shutting me out? I thought I caught a glimpse of the man he is underneath it all, and I was hooked.
Was I right? Am I seeing him clearly?
He hasn’t asked me out. Hasn’t told me he cares about me. I mean, we barely know each other. Not his fault I’ve fallen like this for him. He’s the first guy I’ve slept with, the first guy I’ve had feelings for, and they’re so deep I’m not sure I can let in another.
Does he feel it, too, or will he dump me at the first chance he gets just like Jasper did with my mom?
Mom doesn’t ask me anything about Matt, about how I hugged him and how we held hands as I recounted the story of the attack.
She probably feels so out of sorts with the revelations about Jasper Jones that she couldn’t muster up the energy to demand full disclosure, or to tell me I should stop seeing him immediately.
Not that mom is like that normally. She’s pretty quiet and easygoing.
Still, keeping in mind that this is my boss, and older than me, with kids of his own, I’d expected to be told in no uncertain terms that I should quit and keep away from him.
I wonder if she could tell that we slept together. She’s one of those moms who can smell such things in the air, without needing their kids to fess up.
Anyway, Mom hasn’t breathed a word about it, instead going up to her room, and I’m left with Gigi, who has no compunction whatsoever to interrogate me.