Neither Robin nor I replied. Stepping out of the prescribed order of things had become frightening.
"Well, what's wrong with that idea? At least it will be something fun to do. Robin?" Teal continued, her voice building with enthusiasm.
"I'd be afraid of getting caught." Robin simply admitted. "We won't get caught. Phoebe?"
"I'm not interested in them."
"Me neither. There couldn't be more
uninteresting people on the face of the earth. It's just something to do, something that we weren't told we have to do," Teal moaned. When neither Robin nor I replied, she said. "Oh. forget it. Eli do it myself. I don't need you."
Robin and I still said nothing. Sometimes. I thought, it was better not to talk, to be like the animals, to listen and see and react only to actions.
Teal realized her threat wasn't getting her anywhere with us and she returned to whining. "Come on. Robin, don't be such a wimp. It's something to do and who knows what we'll see. Maybe we'll learn something. Come on. Do it with me. Please. What's the big deal? We'll peep in a window, that's all, but I'd like to see them with their panties down. I'd like to have something on them. It will make us feel better. You'll see. Please."
Robin looked at me and shrugged. "I guess it might be worth a smile, and if we were very careful about it..."
I shook my head. "It's not worth anything to me."
"We'll sneak out tonight," Teal said excitedly. building on Robin's weak moment. "Okay?"
"Yeah, maybe." Robin told her.
"Good. Come on. Phoebe. One for all and all for one. We came here together." Teal reminded me as if that solidified us for life and we owed each other.
I had to laugh. It seemed years ago when we'd first met in that concrete room. "Yeah, were about as loyal to each other as people in the same chain gang." I laughed again. They laughed. too.
The sound was so rare, it was alien to me for a few moments. Laughter, fun. excitement. How far back had I left them? Was it possible to regain any part of myself or was it all being buried for good out here?
How long had it been since I had done anything that was in the slightest way fun? Parties, boys, pizza, my desire for it all seemed to have gone into hibernation, and that really bothered me. The only thing that made my heart pound now was fear.
"All right" I said. "Maybe."
"Should we tell Mindy and Gia?" Teal asked,
"I don't think so." I said.
Subtly, I had begun to feel the division that had existed when we had first arrived. It had all returned,
"Phoebe's right. They've already done it anyway," Robin reminded us. "It won't be as interesting to them. We'll just have to be very quiet about sneaking out."
"Okay," Teal said. Nothing could discourage her now. She was on a roll.
In fact, she was so cheered by the idea of such an adventure she worked harder, and that night she ate better than she had all week. I thought one of the buddies or Gia would be suspicious and realize something was up, but no one seemed to notice, especially not Mindy, who was spinning someplace deep in her own thoughts. She was doing it mare and more now, sometimes actually talking aloud to herself.
What was happening to her? Was it something Dr. Foreman actually saw or actually caused?
Against this cloud that both Gia and Mindy kept around them was the light of Teal's brightened eyes. It was infectious. Robin looked excited and happier. too.
Perhaps something good had already come of the idea. I thought.
I just hoped nothing bad would.
12
Pajama Party
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