"It's silly to think you can hurt God back," Alice said.
"I don't care."
The look on her face said she didn't think I meant what I was saying.
But I did mean it, as much as I could mean anything. I took a deep breath, the futility of my outbursts and anger washing over me. "I don't know how we will go on without him. I'll have to quit school maybe and go to work."
"You can't do that!"
"I might have to. Mommy doesn't make very much money working in the beauty parlor."
Alice thought a moment.
"There's the miner's pension and social security, too."
"Mammy said it won't be enough."
We heard a loud outburst of laughter come from both Mommy and Archie Marlin.
Alice grimaced. "My father doesn't know how Archie Marlin keeps out of jail. Daddy says he waters the whiskey in the bar."
"Mommy's just trying not to be sad," I said. "She'd entertain anyone right now. He just happens to be around."
Alice nodded, unconvinced.
I picked up my fiddle and plucked at the strings. "Daddy loved to hear me play," I said smiling, remembering.
"You play better than anyone I know," Alice declared.
"Well I'll never play again." I threw the fiddle on the bed.
"Of course you will. Your daddy wouldn't want you to give it up, would he?"
I thought about it. She was right, but I wasn't in the mood to agree with anything anyone said right now.
Another peal of laughter from Archie Marlin reached our ears.
"The walls of this trailer are made of cardboard," I said. I put my hands over my ears.
"You're welcome to come to my house," Alice said. "My brother's the only one home."
Alice lived in one of the nicest homes in Sewell. Ordinarily, I loved going there, but right now I felt it was a sin to do anything enjoyable.
Suddenly we heard Mommy and Archie singing along with a song on the radio, followed by their laughter again.
I stood up and reached for my coat. "Okay. Let's get out of here."
Alice nodded and followed me out of my room and down the short corridor. Mommy was sprawled on the sofa now and Archie was standing at her feet, holding his drink in his hand. They didn't speak, then Archie reached to turn down the volume on the radio.
"I'm going to Alice's house."
"Good idea, honey. Daddy wouldn't want you moping around the trailer."
I wanted to say he wouldn't want you laughing and singing and drinking with Archie Marlin either, but I swallowed my words and pounded my feet over the thin rug to the front door.
"Don't be late," Mommy called after me.
I didn't reply. Alice and I walked away from the trailer, the radio music turned up behind us again. Neither of us spoke until we rounded the turn toward Hickory Hill. The Morgans lived at the top and from their living room and dining room windows could look down on the valley and Sewell proper.