“I remember I didn’t understand most of it at the time, but I did understand enough of it to feel sad. It did sound as if the world was a treacherous and unmerciful place. Flowers, blue skies, lakes, and mountains, as well as beautiful birds, were then all deceptions. To survive in such a place, one had to be good at being false.”
“Be good at lying?”
“Exactly. I asked Mrs. Fennel about that, too, and she said truth was quicksand. Once you step into it, you have to stay with it, and it will bring you down. ‘If you’re honest, you’re naked,’ she added, and laughed. Yes, our Mrs. Fennel actually laughed.
“As you can imagine, as you know from your own experiences out there, this wasn’t exactly what everything and everyone else would preach to me.
“Maybe I thought I was being cute or smart, but I asked her about all those romantic greeting cards lovers sent each other. ‘Postcards from Satan,’ Mrs. Fennel said. ‘Touch them. They’re still hot.’
“The next day, I went to a greeting-card store and felt them. They did feel hot. Power of suggestion or some truth only our kind could know? That wasn’t hard to believe. After all, what was the primary thing I had been taught about myself and the primary thing you’re being taught about yourself?”
“What?”
“What? That you’re special, of course. There are only a few selected to be what we are, Lorelei.”
I didn’t feel special, not in the way she was thinking, but I didn’t tell her that. I looked down for a moment and then slowly raised my head. She was staring at me but staring as if she were in pain. “Daddy loves us, doesn’t he, Ava?”
“That’s a different kind of love, Lorelei. That’s love to survive.”
“But you love Daddy, too.”
“For the same reason, and you’ll see, that’s true for you as well. It will always be true for you. Love to survive, nothing else, no sweet music
, no glorious summer days, no moonlit nights to embed in your brain forever and ever. In short, no poetry, just survival. We’ve been chosen for it.”
She made it sound more like a tragedy than a blessing. I looked away so she wouldn’t see the tears coming into my eyes. I knew she would mock them. “How did you know I told him my real name?” I asked her after a moment.
“How did I know?” She laughed. “He’s become my shadow over there now. It was like he was lying in wait for me. I didn’t even realize it. Suddenly, there he was walking beside me, but only to talk about you. He practically fell to his knees to get me to tell him where you live. The only way for me to get rid of him was to come on to him.”
“Come on to him? What do you mean?”
“I’m sure you know what that means, Lorelei. I started to flirt with him in order to get him to forget about you. I think I’m capable of doing that, getting him to forget you. It worked, of course, so shake him out of your head. He’s just like any other man who stands when he pees,” she said, rising. “Nothing more, nothing less.”
“What about your engagement ring?” I asked, challenging her story.
“I took it off. It does come off, Lorelei.”
“What exactly happened?”
“What exactly happened? I had him eating out of my palm. I kissed him, and I mean really kissed him like he’d never been kissed. He practically had an orgasm on the campus grounds. If someone mentioned Lorelei to him now, he would say, ‘Who? Lorelei? Who’s that?’”
I didn’t believe her, but I wasn’t sure if that was because I didn’t want to believe her.
“Fortunately for you, I have him dangling on a string out there. I don’t think it’s necessary to tell Daddy about this, but you can’t return to the campus with me ever again,” she said, moving to the door.
“What are you going to do with him now?” I asked.
She opened the door but stood there thinking. “Nothing. What can I do with him? You know the rules we must follow. I won’t think about him any more, and I advise you to do the same. We have other things to think about now. Daddy is moving closer to a decision.”
“What decision?”
“A decision about how much longer he wants the family living here. I overheard him talking about it with Mrs. Fennel. I have the feeling it’s in the works.”
“Soon?”
“Don’t look so devastated,” she added as she stepped out and turned to me. “It’s not good for you, for any of us, to grow too fond of a place and especially the people living there.”
“I know. It’s just that… I thought Daddy liked living here.”