“Jess, about last night…” Rick stepped forward but she held up a hand.
“I can’t. I’m not in a good head space to discuss it, okay?”
He nodded. “Okay.”
She couldn’t avoid him forever. At some point, and some point soon, she would have to tell him she was having his baby. But later, when she’d sorted through the mess that was their relationship and her feelings. When she could be clear-headed and logical.
“I should call Tessa and tell her not to come in.”
“Why don’t you call Abby or Sarah? You could use the company.”
“I’ll need to clean up, too, once I get the okay.” Sadness began to seep in. “I’m not sure I’ll ever feel the same here. This was my place, you know? My safe haven. If it was Mike…” She sighed. “Damn that man for coming back to town and stirring all this up.”
“Jess…” Rick started to speak and then thought better of it and stepped back. “I’ll come by later to check in on you, is that okay?”
And just as surely as her heart had broken last night, it broke again from his kindness and consideration even as he kept his distance. He was going through his own stuff but none of that was mentioned. His caring was only for her, and it only made it more difficult to do what she knew she needed to do.
“You don’t need to check on me. Josh is around, and so are Mom and Sarah. I’ll be fine, Rick. I’m just sorry about your stuff.”
“I can replace it. Forget it.”
He went to the back door, looked back and hesitated, but said nothing as he turned around and went out. And now Jess was left alone in her workroom with police going through her private things.
Twenty-four hours ago she’d been sitting in church, content with her life. Now it had all blown up in her face.
She got up and went to the storeroom to grab a mop and bucket. Might as well get started on cleaning up the mess and starting over.
* * *
It took a few days for Rick to get his head in a decent enough place to make the drive to Augusta. Streetlamps were decorated with wreaths and storefronts advertised sales among bright holiday displays. He should have taken this step long ago, but better late than never. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.
It had been difficult, but he’d stayed out of the way of Bryce’s investigation. Mike was arrested, and Rick almost felt sorry for him. Karen Greer had died in her sleep the night before the break-in, and her death had pushed Mike over the edge. Bryce had found him passed out at the Greer cottage, paint from Rick’s supplies all over his clothes and a good-sized dent in his car where he’d hit a stump in the driveway, spilling the better part of a bottle of rye over the interior.
Rick’s compassion didn’t extend too far, though. The man had terrorized Jess a long time, and he’d violated her space. Rick just thanked God Jess hadn’t been home at the time. Who knew what might have happened if she hadn’t been at Josh’s? He couldn’t help feeling guilty for that. If he hadn’t messed up so badly, they would have been together. He would have protected her.
Watching her walk away, seeing her be that strong, had been his breaking point. That had been the moment that he truly knew what it was to have lost everything.
He’d let her down. He had a history of letting down the people he cared about—Roberta, Kyle, even himself. And now Jess. If he hadn’t been so angry, they might have talked their way through it. He would have been there for her. But he’d been so afraid. Afraid that she would ask more of him than he could give. That he’d fail her.
So he’d taken the first available opportunity to bug out, knowing that eventually she’d wise up and leave him behind. Her parting accusation had hurt so much because she’d hit the nail right on the head.
And then the phone had rang saying there were police cars at her home and he’d realized that he’d let her down anyway. Nothing he’d ever felt compared to the fear that something had happened to Jess. He’d hidden it well when he’d arrived, but he’d been frozen inside, running on autopilot. He didn’t want to lose her. And if he was going to stand a hope in hell of being with her, it was time he got his shit together.
He’d made an appointment with a therapist. He stood outside the brick office building in Augusta and tilted his face up to the sun, letting the rays wash over him despite the bitter cold that seeped through his jacket. He’d thought he’d hit rock bottom before, but nothing was worse than losing her. That she’d stayed strong, that she hadn’t fallen into his arms caused him to feel both consternation and admiration.
Her walking away had taught him one big lesson: he needed to learn how to deserve her.
Dr. Johnson wasn’t what he’d expected at all. There was no touchy-feely woo-woo stuff in his office. They just talked for a while and Rick answered questions. Progress. One step at a time.
After the appointment, he stopped on the way back to Jewell Cove for supplies. Once at home, he busied himself by emptying his shopping bags of paint, brushes, and glass. Jess had gotten him some custom orders as a result of the Black Friday sale and he had lots to occupy his days. He’d work on those later, though. First he went to work on a door insert, painstakingly creating puffs of lilacs in dark purple, mauve, and white surrounded by rich green leaves. He was so engrossed that he forgot the time and only looked up when there was a knock on his door.
Jess, he thought, hope springing up in his chest. He stuck the brush in a can of water and hurried to leave the porch, careful to shut the door behind him. But it wasn’t Jess on his front step at all. It was Mary Arseneault, big as a house in the last few weeks of her pregnancy, glowing and smiling as he opened the door and invited her in.
“Mary. What a surprise. Come on in.”
“I brought you dinner.” She held out a square pan covered in tin foil. “Lasagna. I made extra.”
Rick didn’t know what to say. He’d acted like an ass, and his friends rallied around even though he pushed them away. “Gosh, you didn’t have to do that. But thanks. It smells awesome.”