“D o we have to go just yet?” They were in Ramsey’s car, still at the ocean. “There’s nothing we can do and Bill’s obviously going to keep you updated to the minute.” Ramsey had spoken to the other detective again, filling him in on the possible Haley Sanders/Sandy Hayes connection.
“You come before the case, Luce. We’ll stay here all night if that’s what we need to do.”
She had no idea what she needed. She couldn’t access herself deep enough to find out. She just wasn’t ready to go back to town.
The clock in the car said it was four-thirty. “Is that right?” She pointed.
“Yeah.”
“Lori’s call was just three hours ago?”
He nodded, his arm draped over the back of his seat, letting his hand rest on the back of hers. He played with a piece of her hair. It felt good.
“Legally, am I Claire Sanderson or Lucy Hayes?”
“I’m not sure. Your Lucy Hayes birth certificate is obviously false, but you’ve got a social-security number and driver’s license as Lucy. That might stand as an official name change. If not, you can always have it legally changed.”
She was glad.
“Remember what Dr. Zimmerman said, Luce. Take things one step at a time. You have no idea how you’re going to feel about your name, or any of this, in the coming days. Your feelings will probably change a lot.”
“I know. The roller coaster she talked about. I’m just supposed to ride it for a while.” She’d always hated roller coasters. Saw no sense in scaring herself silly when there was plenty to get scared about just by being at home.
“I want you to stay with me.”
She wanted to go to sleep. But knew better than that, too. She wouldn’t even rest her head against the back of the seat. Oblivion was too tempting, and all she had was herself now. For the first time in her life she had to come through for her.
“I am staying with you.”
“I mean, for the next little bit. While you ride the ride.” He sounded like he was prepared for a fight. “Dr. Zimmerman said that you shouldn’t be alone. She also said that you were going to have to take a bit of time off from work. She plans to write a report to Lionel.”
If she’d thought about it, she’d have been expecting as much.
“Okay.”
“You’ll stay?”
“Yes.” She gazed out at the ocean. It was inviting her to sail away to a place where she could just be who she was inside, all by herself, and not have anyone need to know anything about her. “I’m not stupid. I know that I shouldn’t be alone—and most particularly not alone near Sandy. Whether she knows about the Sandersons or not, I am not her biological daughter and she knew that much. I need some time to assimilate that information.”
She sounded like an automaton—even to herself. And that scared her as much as anything else.
And then she said, “If she doesn’t know…if she thinks I was legitimately adopted, this is going to kill her.” Her throat closed. And she looked at Ramsey. “I love her…?.”
This time she was in Ramsey’s arms before she started to cry. “I know, sweetie. It’s a mess. But you’re strong. And smart. And it’s for the best that you know the truth. I really believe that.”
She heard him. She wanted to believe him. Mostly she just wanted him to go on talking so she wouldn’t be able to think.
I f asked, Ramsey would have said, hands down, that he would never be able to offer emotional support to someone in Lucy’s position. No one asked him. And he found himself doing what had to be done.
He sat quietly with Lucy when she needed silence. He talked with her when she needed to talk. When she needed movement to divert her from the panic, he drove. And when she needed to be held, he held her.
And somehow, in the doing, in helping Lucy stay with him while she found her grounding point, he started to find a piece of himself again.
She wasn’t Diane. Or Marsha. Or anyone else he’d known. And he wasn’t the old Ramsey Miller who would act without forethought to those around him. That Friday, as he experienced hell with the woman who’d broken the barriers around his heart so gently he hadn’t even felt the break, he wasn’t putting himself first. And didn’t think he could have if he wanted to.
Which knocked him off the selfish-bastard pedestal he’d put himself on. Not that it mattered.
The thought just occurred to him as he drove, Lucy sitting quietly beside him. And by early evening, when they were nearing Comfort Cove city limits, he had another random thought. He was his father’s son.