“I trusted him to keep me safe. It’s his job.”
“It was that man’s family’s job to prove you weren’t a murderer, too, and they didn’t do it. But you trusted him anyway.”
Yeah, yeah, she got it already. She’d already said so. She didn’t know how to trust good people. She trusted the ones sure to run out on her. Fritz. Larissa was just...wrong all over the place. And Clarke...
Thinking of him walking away from her in that parking lot. It was nice working for you. Her throat clogged with tears again.
She’d never have believed that Clarke would leave such a mark on her heart. That he wasn’t going to be a permanent fixture, yeah, she’d known that was possible. But to turn his back and walk off with his nice working for you...she hadn’t seen that one coming at all.
“You weren’t wrong to trust, Ev.” So many names her grandmother had for her. Girlie was the fun, happy one. Baby when she needed compassion. Missy when she was in trouble. And Ev when life was at its most serious.
“They were wrong to betray your trust. It’s not on you, baby. Not unless you let what Fritz did to you, what any of them did to you, keep you from trusting again. That’s on you. And then they win. Don’t let Fritz Emerson rob you of the best part of you...” When Gram’s eyes filled with tears, Everleigh was shocked to her core. Those eyes got moist sometimes. They never had actual tears in them.
But those tears... They spoke straight to her heart.
“He means something to you.”
Clarke. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t know. It would just piss Gram off. And they’d still end up talking about him.
“He doesn’t need or want me.” And, “He’s a womanizer just like Fritz was.”
“How do you know? You judging him by that loser?”
It wasn’t nice to speak about the dead that way, but she kept the observation to herself. “He told me he wasn’t interested in commitment.”
Gram’s gaze sharpened. “Did Fritz ever tell you he liked women? That he wouldn’t be faithful to you?”
“Of course not.” She’d never have married him if he had.
“Then I’d say this Colton guy is already one notch better. A guy who’s going to be honest about the women he’s with is going to be honest to the woman he’s with.”
She nodded. No argument forthcoming. She didn’t doubt Clarke’s honesty. It was his desire to not commit that was the problem for her. “It’s a moot point, Gram. He doesn’t want me.” As much as her grandmother would find that one hard to believe...
“You hear me asking about what he wants?”
She frowned. And remembered what her grandmother had said earlier. She went for the people who wanted her. But...
“You’re a strong, capable, beautiful giving soul, Everleigh.” Everleigh? That was a new one. But no matter what big-gun names Gram pulled out, she wasn’t going to be able to convince her that she and Clarke Colton wanted the same things in life. Maybe he’d want a second night with her. She could see him being talked into that, after the passion they’d just shared. But then still done.
“And you’re just plain sweet,” Gram added after a minute, studying her as she spoke. Gram could give her that eye all she wanted. Everleigh knew what she knew.
“You know how honey attracts bees?”
Of course she did, but...
She loved the people who wanted her. Gram’s words. Or a version thereof. Bees loved honey. But if you got close to them, they’d sting you. Gram didn’t care whether or not Clarke wanted her...
Shock burst through her. Everleigh sat up straight, staring at her grandmother. “I give my trust to the bees that use me for their own nourishment, rather than...”
She cared for those who needed her. Who wanted her. She’d never allowed herself to go out and find the one she loved, the one she needed, the one she wanted.
She’d been sunk the minute Fritz Emerson had walked into her life. But he was gone. She’d been given a new ship, a new chance.
“He doesn’t want a partner,” she said aloud.
“Maybe not. That’s life sometimes, too. But if you don’t reach for what you want, you’ll never get it. And if you keep spending all of you on those who use you up, rather than letting your heart soar, you’re never going to find the happiness you deserve.”
And there it was, the sorrow in her grandmother’s eyes. Because her baby girl wasn’t happy, and Hannah McPherson knew it.