As the sort of woman who was capable of self-harming to get attention. The fact that Spencer was one of the people who had viewed her that way felt like the worst kind of betrayal.
Her thoughts jumped a step ahead. If she felt betrayed by him, did that mean she’d trusted him? Spencer had offered her security. Now she knew how he really viewed her, that safety had been withdrawn. In the short time she had known him, she had come to rely on his support. Now it was gone and her chest ached with a combination of sorrow and humiliation.
Taking long, slow breaths, she forced herself to clear her mind and calm her nerves. She had learned a while ago not to take things personally. No one deserved to be hurt, but life didn’t follow a nice, neat path. Even though she wasn’t prepared to let Spencer get close again, she wouldn’t let this negative experience have a destructive outcome.
She’d been living the life she wanted for herself before Spencer Colton came along. Through hard work and her own efforts, she’d built up a world where she could be comfortable. His blue eyes, dazzling smile and eye-popping muscles might have temporarily distracted her and made her wonder if she wanted more, but now she knew that he was shallow, she could dismiss him. She still needed his help to track down the person targeting her, and to find Eliza. But once that was done, she could relegate him to her memory bank.
Getting back into bed, she closed her eyes, determined to grab a few hours’ sleep. Yes, she could dismiss Spencer Colton. She was almost sure of it.
Chapter 11
The atmosphere in Katrina’s house the next morning could only be described as frosty. Although he couldn’t blame Katrina for her anger, Spencer was determined to reason with her and make her understand his point of view. Since she wouldn’t even make eye contact with him, he was clearly facing an uphill struggle.
“Coffee?” He held up the pot.
She pointed to her full cup without speaking.
“Ah.” He jerked a thumb in the direction of the yard. “I’ll go let the dogs out. Freshen their water—”
“It’s done.” She got to her feet. “I’ve been up for over an hour.”
“I haven’t been lying in bed.” It was one thing to pledge not to let her get under his skin. It was quite another allowing her to deliberately rile him. “I was sending an email to my chief about the suspect who broke in here.”
When she didn’t answer, he assumed he was about to get more of the silent treatment. Then she frowned.
“Is something wrong?”
Great question, Colton. What could possibly be bothering her?
“Did you think he was disguising his voice?” she asked. “The guy who broke in here, I mean. It didn’t sound like a natural way of talking to me.”
“I didn’t hear him speak much,” Spencer said. “Was there anything about him that seemed familiar to you?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think I knew him.”
“If you remember anything, no matter how small, let me know.” Her face still wore a blank, hurt look, and he wished he knew how to get past that. Instinct told him that now was not a good time to bring up the subject of what the intruder had revealed. “Are you ready to go soon?”
“Go?” Her forehead wrinkled. “Where?”
“We’re trailing Leigh Dennings, remember?”
“You still want to do that?” she asked.
“Why not?”
“Well, you know. I wondered if you’d want to go ahead with that plan.” She turned her head away, but not before he’d caught a flash of something that might have been pain in the depths of her eyes. “Given that you have doubts about my reliability.”
“Katrina, I do not have any issues with you—”
It was pointless continuing. She had sprung up from her seat and left the room. Resisting the temptation to curse out loud, he finished his coffee and checked his messages. There wasn’t anything that demanded his immediate attention, so he returned his cell to his pocket and went to the window to watch the dogs.
Professionally, he knew keeping an open mind had been the right thing to do. Personally, it felt like he had screwed up. He didn’t know how things could have worked out with him and Katrina. There had already been too many questions and barriers. But he had feelings for her, of that there was no doubt. And he was fairly sure she’d felt the same. Past tense.
By not being open with her, he’d created a gap between them so wide there was no chance of ever closing it. He’d known all along that she shied away from closeness. From now on, as far as emotions were concerned, he would be lucky if he caught a glimpse of hers in the distance.
He’d spent
the rest of last night cursing fate and calling himself every name he could think of. Because, as it turned out, he knew exactly what he wanted going forward. He wanted her, and he was no longer afraid to admit it.