She crosses the room to me and puts a hand on my chest. It’s electric, and I wonder if she can feel my heart beating. We’ve been together a few times, and it’s like a little piece of heaven, never enough.
“There’s more to it than that. I can’t just stand there singing.”
Covering her slim hand, I close my fingers over her cool skin. “It’s your big chance. Don’t be afraid.” I give her a warm smile, softening my tone and urging her. “Walk through the door and own it.”
Her dark eyes rise to mine, and she looks at me with so much emotion. My chest swells at the sight. She looks at me as if she wants me to kiss her. My eyes go to her lips. They’re full and slightly parted, dewy and soft. My own lips feel heavy with need. I’m leaning forward, a little closer…
Her door bursts open as if on cue, and we both jump apart. Roland stands in the empty space, and his dark eyes move back and forth over us rapidly. I can’t help thinking he sees what I want.
“Tanya’s awake,” he says. “You’re off the hook. Get dressed for your regular number. Come with me, boy.”
I bristle at his words. I’m not a boy, and I don’t like his proprietary attitude when it comes to Lara. Still, I’m the low man in this chain of command, and I have to do as I’m told for now.
I give her a tight smile. “Don’t worry. Your time is coming.”
I turn to follow Roland out, down the dark, narrow backstage corridors to whatever errand he has for me.
We run into Gavin in the hallway. “Where are you going?”
“Roland said—”
“I need you to go to Tanya’s room and be sure she gets dressed and on that stage. If you see her even look at a drug, you’d better carry her out of there.” He leans closer, furious eyes cutting into mine. “And don’t come back.”
“Yes, sir.” I nod and change directions, heading to Tanya’s dressing room.
I don’t want to watch Tanya dress. Her body makes me ill. I can count her ribs through
the skin stretched taut across her back. Her chest is flat as a boy’s, and her hair is tissue thin and frizzled. Everything about her is like a toy doll left in the rain and snow, abandoned and forgotten.
“Out of the way, boy!” Rosa pushes past me. She’s thick and bossy, and she has costumes over her arm.
I step back and hold the door, looking at my fingernails as the two of them wrap and fasten and tie and apply wigs and headdresses and fans. By the time the stocky woman is finished, Tanya is Jezebel. Up close she’s clearly a malnourished drug addict, but from afar, she’s pink cheeks and soft breasts pushed up into little peaks. She’s a queen.
They pass me in a cloud of starchy powder and antique perfume, and I walk slowly after them, following the narrow hallway toward Lara’s room. I’m sure she’s gone as well, out to the wings to wait for her moment to descend to the stage as the dark angel. I need to head up as well.
These halls are deserted when they’re performing. The skeleton crew is moving scenery and operating lights and equipment, and everyone else is standing in the darkness watching for anything that might go wrong. I’m surprised to see Gavin at her door. He’s speaking softly, urgently, and she’s blinking rapidly. I step to the side and creep closer hoping to overhear their conversation.
“I won’t let that happen.” Her voice is panicky. “I’ll take her place.”
The fear in Lara’s voice shoots fire through my veins. Why is she afraid?
Gavin’s voice is low. “I’ll pass that along.”
My fists clench, and I’m prepared to charge forward and slam one into his choleric nose. It’s several days before I discover the bargain she made, before I chase after her down those dark halls…
That night I find her on her knees in one of the hidden rooms below the theater. The walls are papered in red velvet, and a row of doors lines the passage. It’s like something out of a David Lynch film, surreal and unsettling.
I stop at the corner, carefully picking my way closer, looking for anyone who might be lurking in the shadows.
A knot of possessive anger is in my throat. I know what goes on down here. I’m ashamed that I’ve played a part in covering it up and allowing it to happen. That time I made a vow, I’ll never Lara be hurt here.
I wait a bit longer to see if someone is planning to join us right away. After minutes that feel like hours, I head around the corner and down the second red velvet hallway.
A diamond-studded crown embellishes the door, and a small black plaque reads Private. I reach forward and turn the handle, allowing it to fall open, allowing the narrow shaft of bright light from the hallway to illuminate the interior.
My voice catches, and my semi is back when I see her.
Lara kneels on the floor, her legs bent under her. Her palms are flat on her thighs, and her chin is down. A black satin mask is over her eyes, and she’s breathing so fast, her full breasts rise and fall above the top of her corset.