To me, it’s more complex than that, but to them, surely...
“Kara!”
Fuck, how far am I walking? I turn around at the sound of my name, only because I recognize that booming voice. It’s a voice that I still fucking love hearing say my name, even when it’s because of disappointment.
“Kara!” Chase calls again, even though he has my attention. He and Eric are standing way behind me, just off the side of the stage.
That’s why Chase is smiling: because even though he’s disappointed, he’s still tickled that I would just fucking walk right past them on my way off stage.
I traipse back to where they’re standing, looking at the ground, trying to think of what to say for myself, but...fuck it, I said what I wanted to in my speech. They can think whatever the hell they want.
“Kara!”
I’m still looking at the ground when I hear Chase’s voice rumbling my name like two inches away. I look up, startled, to see Chase and Eric smiling.
“Is this the way you guys are going to deal with this?” I ask quietly.
“What?” Chase asks with a little laugh.
“By fucking laughing at me? Well, I guess that’s...”
“I just thought it was funny that you didn’t see us.” Chase’s eyes are on me, and they’re still filled with genuine laughter.
“What makes you think I didn’t see you?” I’m starting to smile a little, despite myself.
Chase takes me into his arms, instantly melting away all that dumb angst and worry.
“That doesn’t answer my question,” I say with a big, unavoidable grin.
“Does this?” Chase whispers in my ear before setting a leisurely, loving kiss on my cheek.
“Hey, do you have any questions for me?” Eric interrupts before I can answer.
I might have some questions, but I hold onto them, letting Eric give me his own cozy hug and tender kiss.
“Actually,” I begin, sliding slowly from Eric’s arms, “I’m assuming that you guys must be pissed, or I was assuming...”
“Why would we be pissed?” Eric has an endearing look of earnestness on his face.
“You guys must be angry because...” I start again, searching for the words while Chase and Eric watch me.
I start to forget the speech, the pageant, the whole fucking thing.
“I went off script, way off, and I’ll probably lose now, I guess.”
“We don’t give a shit about that,” Eric snaps immediately with pure, assured Eric-ness.
“You don’t give a shit about winning?” I can’t help it. I’m so thrown by their attitude that I need to ask some fucking questions.
“You came here to compete, and that’s what you did,” Chase says with deep, heartfelt care in his eyes.
“So? Anyone can compete,” I utter quietly. I still don’t quite understand, but I’m feeling powerless in the face of Eric and Chase’s warm reception.
“Not like you di
d,” corrects Eric.
“What do you mean?” My mouth is dry, my ability to speak is breaking down, I’m still full of adrenaline from performing, and now, I really want to hear Eric explain how awesome I am.