26
Amy
“I’m not… who you think I am,” I start, the words coming up my throat as if they’re wrapped in thorns. “My mother put me up to this, Parker,” I continue, finally letting the truth out. No matter how much it hurts, it must be done.
“Your mother? What are you talking about, Amy?” he asks me, narrowing his eyes in confusion. I wasn’t sure if Parker ever suspected my mother’s hand in all of this, but his look tells me that he wasn’t expecting to hear these words.
Looking down at the floor, I take one deep breat
h to summon the courage necessary to go through with this. Once I’m done, Parker’s going to hate me, I’m sure of it. But I can’t keep on living a lie. It’s time to put it all out there.
“My mother, she… blackmailed me. She forced me to go work for you. She wanted me to act as her spy but, in the end, what she really wanted was for the two of us to sleep together… which happened, exactly as she wanted it to happen,” I say, my heart tightening up into a fist inside my chest. I replay that fateful night inside my head, remembering each of my mother’s words as she backed me down into a corner and forced me to take up arms against my own stepfather.
“No… it can’t be. I don’t understand,” he says, disbelief in his voice. “I mean… blackmail? What did she even blackmail you with?” he asks me, his tone of voice turning flat and emotionless. Oh, God, here I go.
“When I was younger… Oh, I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this, but when I was younger I participated in a porn and… and the actor looked just like you. I’ve always dreamed of you, Parker, and in that moment I let it all out. I lived that moment as if I was really there with you.” I take a deep breath, choking down a sob that threatens to overtake me, and then I continue. “I never let that tape go public, but my mother got hold of it. She never let me forget about it. Told me that she always knew how I felt toward you, and that it was my fault that her marriage to you ended…”
“Jesus…” he whispers, looking into my eyes with an undecipherable expression.
“I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I’ve blamed myself for your broken marriage. I was a stupid girl and, somehow, I started to believe that the way I looked at you played a part in your divorce…”
“Amy, I --”
“And when she threatened to go public with the tape if I didn’t do this… I didn’t know what to say. It’d ruin my business, Parker, and… I didn’t want you to see it. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you saw how… how stupid I was.”
The tears are streaming down my cheeks now, and all I can do is bury my face in my hands, breathing in with tearful sobs.
“I’m sorry, Parker… I really am. For everything.”
“Amy…” he whispers my name and, reaching for me, peels my hands off of my face. I look at him, desperation taking hold of my heart as the tears run free down my face. He’s going to say he hates me. He’s going to say he wants me out of his life for good. And then I’ll lose him. Forever. The man I love will be gone.
“We didn’t break up because of you. That marriage ended because Kate didn’t want to be married; what she wanted was my money. And she used as much of it as she could, all so that she could set herself up as the Governor… And once she became Governor, she left. Which was okay. I don’t think I’ve ever loved her.”
“It doesn’t matter, Parker… This mess we’re in, it’s all my fault!” I continue, unable to process the soft tone of his voice and his caring words. All I feel right now, and all my brain is capable of understanding, is the utter despair of being on the verge of losing the man I love.
Because I love him, I really do.
It’s true; I’ve been fantasizing about Parker ever since puberty hit, but it was nothing more than just a silly girl’s fantasy. But that blossomed into real love now, and it’s the first time in my life that I’ve ever felt something like it.
“Shh, Amy,” he hushes me, placing one finger across my lips and caressing my cheek with the back of his free hand. “I know your mom, and I know how ruthless she is. You’re as much a victim as I am.”
“But --”
“No. No buts, Amy,” he cuts me short, placing both his hands on either side of my face and forcing me to look up into his eyes. “And I don’t want to hear anything about you leaving.”
“Why?” I ask him, wiping the tears off my face with the back of my hand. “Why, Parker?”
His lips open up into an easy smile, and then he leans forward and brushes his lips against mine.
“Because I love you, Amy, that’s why.”
I blink once, and then twice, my eyes locked on his as my brain tries to understand the meaning behind his words. Because I love you, Amy, that’s why; his words echo inside my head like some soothing prayer, and I feel the gentle embrace of hope silencing all that despair and anxiety.
Maybe it isn’t all over. Maybe there’s hope. And maybe, just maybe, I won’t lose the man I’ve come to love with all my heart.
“I love you…” he repeats, almost as if he’s trying to make sure that I understand him. Finally managing to offer him a weak smile, I return his kiss and then look into his eyes once more.
“I love you too,” I whisper, closing my eyes and surrendering to his embrace.