Now, the age difference Michael and I is 15 years. He’s 51. Left to my own devices, there’s no way I would ever consent to do something like that. And sure, I argued. I told him I had control of my own life. That I was my own person.
At one point, I even asked why he would suggest that I needed to do something as vile as what he was asking. But then I saw the look on my dad’s eyes—fear, anxiety—it was the look of a man who sees everything he’s worked for his whole life on the precipice of being taken away from him.
Michael had something on my father. Something bad enough that he was able to demand his only daughter’s hand in marriage.
Always the good daughter, never knowing how to stand up for herself, and also afraid of what saying no would do to my father, I instead said yes.
That was six months ago.
But enough about me for now. I can hear Michael coming up the stairs. His footfalls are heavy, but measured and my heart starts to beat with anticipation as I see his shadow on the ground.
He enters the room and turns his head to see me.
“How was your day, dear?” I ask with a coy smile. I spread my legs a bit further apart, to give him a better view.
Michael turns fully to me and takes a few steps toward me. His eyes scan my body. I smile lasciviously, letting my inner desire come through. I don't care if he’s 51 now. I don’t care what he looks like. I need to have sex with my husband.
His eyes continue to travel my body. I let my one hand lightly brush across the material of my bra, bringing his eyes to my boobs. Let him feast on those. I use my other hand to trace a line from my belly button down to my crotch. I see his eyes travel down with me.
He’s entranced. Good. I need him to be hard. I want to unbuckle that belt of his and lower his pants. Then take his cock in my mouth and lick the shaft before taking the tip in my mouth. Get him good, hard, and lubed up. Then I want to climb on top of his cock and ride myself to an orgasm.
Just thinking about having sex—not caring who it's with—is getting me wet. As noticeably as possible, I slip one finger inside my thong and push it down, feeling the folds of my pussy respond to my touch. My lips are swollen. From desire.
Not just for this man, mind you. But for sex. In general.
You
could say I’m desperate for a good fucking. That’s what's causing me to lie there in the most vulnerable state I’ve ever allowed myself to be in in front of anyone. Nearly naked, with one hand fingering my pussy willing to subject myself to all manner of sexual objectification.
Michael’s eyes travel my body back up to my face.
He looks at my parted lips. I wonder what part of me he wants first.
He opens his mouth.
“I have a lot of work to do tonight, Jocelyn,” he says and my heart starts to beat faster and louder. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to do anything tonight.”
What’s going through me right now is probably what you’re wondering? Ever been rejected for sex before? From a man? It’s almost unheard of for women to be told no. What does that make me feel like?
Shameful. Discarded. Unwanted. Ugly.
You name it.
“But you go on without me,” Michael says coldly. “Looks like you’re doing just fine on your own.”
And with that he turns toward the dresser, takes the coat of his suit off, grabs his slippers and puts them on and turns back to the door.
All without a second glance in my direction. I’m lying there like some unwanted sex doll.
Fuck. This was all a waste. My entire marriage is a waste. My life is a waste.
But before you go telling me to cheer up, babe, let me just clue you in on why I even did all this. Why I went to La Perla. Why I basically tried to initiate this whole intimate encounter.
Had Michael succumbed, it would have been the first time in our marriage that we had actually had sex. That our relationship would have been consummated.
See, it wasn’t bad enough that I was forced into this marriage. What’s worse is that for the last six months, ever since we’ve been married, I don’t think Michael Anders has touched me once in private. Never a kiss unless it's in front of the camera. Never a stare of desire when we’re alone.
Some couples have their whole relationships based around sex.