“Sadie, look—” I started with uncertainty, embarrassment coloring my words though it was my apartment, and I shouldn’t have had anything to be embarrassed about. A week ago, I would have been entirely naked in my living room if I wanted to, without a thought to anyone else. It was crazy to me how much things had changed. I did have to think about her now though, and I reached out, grabbing her hand, and squeezing her fingers. “I’m sorry for earlier if I made you uncomfortable or anything…”
“You didn’t make me uncomfortable or anything like that,” Sadie said quickly and pulled her hand from my grip, dumping the rest of the broken glasses into the trash can in the kitchen. “I’m fine, you just scared me, that’s all,” she told me, shrugging as though she wasn’t bothered at all, though I could see the crimson that still rode high across her cheekbones and over her nose.
Sadie took off her shoes and sat down at one of the counter stools, sighing. She glanced at Alex in the corner of the room, and then at me. Her eyes were tired and bright green rather than their usual hazel, glittering in the mid-morning light that flooded the windows of my apartment. My chest ached as I stared at her soft, heart-shaped face. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she blinked slowly, resting her chin in her hand on the counter. I could see the sleep falling over her.
“You’re taking the bed tonight and I mean it this time,” I told her, sighing. “You’re dead tired. I can see it on your face. You need some sleep.”
“I was nervous about today and so I couldn’t sleep, I guess,” she shrugged, the round neck of my grey sweater slipping down the smooth arch of her pale shoulder. Sadie looked up at me, her big hazel eyes haunted and weary. “I know it’s not real. I know it doesn't actually matter in any way, but I don’t know if I’ll be what you think I should be. Or anyone else. There are a lot of people to impress.”
I had an urge to comfort her and let her know that I didn’t have any expectations and I didn’t care much either way. I wanted to hold her and reassure her that she would do fine with everyone. She wasn’t someone that people hated at first sight and I knew that it was difficult to dislike her at all. Hell, she had even managed to somewhat charm my father, which was a major accomplishment on its own. For lack of anything better to do, I just awkwardly patted her knee and then pulled my hand back.
“Think of it this way,” I told her as she stood up to make coffee. “I don’t like Laurel and I never have, so it won’t really matter what she thinks of you and if she doesn’t like you, I’ll probably even think better of you then.”
Sadie turned from where she was filling the filter with fragrant grounds, pulling a face. “That doesn’t really make me feel any better, Connor. And what are we supposed to tell them about Alex anyway? How do we explain a cameraman to your family without them thinking we're just weird?”
“First of all, it will mostly be her fiancé’s family so that won’t matter much. Almost all of my family lives across the country and about Alex—”
“Tell them it's a documentary or something like that—a project for school or whatever,” Alex cut me off, coming around to put his camera on the counter and standing closer to Sadie than I would have liked. He leaned an arm behind her, almost close enough to touch, and my blood boiled with rage.
“Yeah, I was going to say the same thing,” I grumbled from where I stood, watching Sadie pour him a cup of coffee. I didn’t like how close the two of them seemed at that moment. He watched her as she sipped at her own cup of coffee, and I wondered if it was too late to request a different cameraman for us.
“I should go take a shower. I need to start getting ready,” Sadie said, looking out of the window at the view beyond the apartment. A soft rain was still falling outside, pattering in cold trails over the foggy panes. I hoped she had bought something warm to wear to the wedding.
“You want to watch a little TV with me before you do that?” I asked without really thinking. Alex ambled away and I felt an odd relief fall over me. Why did I care so much if he was around her? Sadie was staring at me in confusion, and I stuttered over my words as I tried to explain. “I mean, we do have some time, you know? We can watch a movie or something if you want.” Sadie nodded and I let out a breath, once again relieved that she wanted to be around me at all.