“Mommy, when’s the pizza gonna get here?”
I looked up and saw Lillian’s beautiful blue eyes staring back at me, full of her father’s spirit and calm.
I felt my heart leap against my chest as I smiled at her.
“Soon, booger. Soon.”
I watched a smile spread across her cheeks as a knock came at the door.
“Pizza delivery.”
“Just a second!” Nicole said.
“I can get dinner,” I said.
“Nope. You need to save up for that security system. I’ve got dinner tonight,” she said.
Nicole meant well.
She always did.
She always knew what was best for me.
I just hoped she wasn’t right about the mysterious man from out of town.
CHAPTER 2
GRAHAM
I sat bolt upright in bed, sweat pouring down my face.
Another fucking nightmare.
It was the same dreadful day that replayed like a broken record. Like a curse.
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and looked at the clock on the bedside table.
Four in the damn morning.
I got up and walked to the bathroom, splashing cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. The bags under my eyes made me look much older than my thirty-eight years. I rose to my full height of six three and studied my reflection. My dark brown hair was tousled from sleep, and my deep blue eyes were haunted.
All I made time for these mornings was my therapy of hitting the weights hard to take out my frustrations. My efforts resulted in well-muscled arms and a sculpted chest that narrowed to a V at my waist. I scrubbed a hand over my beard and sighed deeply.
It was the third time I had the nightmare in one week. Over the past year-and-a-half, the nightmare played out in my dreams and woke me from a dead sleep.
Knowing I wouldn’t be able to go back to bed, I climbed in the shower to wash the sweat and the haunted memories from my body and mind. The soap and water cascaded down my broad chest and thick thighs, and I scrubbed myself as if I could physically remove the memories.
It never worked.
Nothing worked.
I didn’t want it to work.
I coveted the pain.
The torment.
Pain was my way of seeking redemption. Redemption that I knew would never come.