His forehead rested against mine, and we lay there for a moment, enveloped in each other's arms. My skin craved his touch, my mouth desired his lips. I kissed him, our tongues intertwining as our bodies began moving in perfect harmony. Evan moved in and out of me with precision and a gentleness that I hadn't experienced before with any man. He was careful, focused on reaching the deepest parts of me, of touching every part of my pussy.
This was no longer fucking, it was something more. We were making love. My heart swelled, and my head was spinning, but it was glorious. I wanted to sing out his name, to cry out that I loved him over and over again, but his mouth was pressed against mine and the only sounds that came out were whimpers and moans as he continued moving in and out of me.
I raked my nails down his back, reaching his ass and then moved back up again. I trailed circles in his skin while holding him against me.
His movements became more desperate, his breathing more ragged, as did mine. My nails were now digging into his flesh, pulling myself upward to meet each thrust. I gasped as his cock brushed my cervix, pleasure coursing through me. Evan continued diving deeper and deeper inside of me, his eyes squinted, and his brow furrowed as his hold on me tightened.
“Yes, baby, yes,” I moaned, urging him along. “Come inside me, Evan.”
He was holding back though, trying not to lose control. I knew why. He was a giver, and he wanted me to come first. I was on the edge, and I knew his orgasm would bring out my own, so I kept encouraging him.
“I'm so close, Evan... Come for me, baby,” I cried out. “Come for me, please.”
A deep, animalistic growl escaped his lips as he buried himself deep inside of me. His body shuddered, and I knew he was emptying his seed inside of me. The look on his face, coupled with the sounds from his lips sent me over the top. His cock pulsed inside of me as I came, my pussy clenching tightly and milking him for every last drop as if a baby wasn't already inside of me.
Together, we rode out the waves of pleasure, our bodies acting as one until Evan collapsed on top of me. I nuzzled my face against his neck, breathing in the musky scent of sweat and his cologne. I closed my eyes and kneaded his back, relishing in the after-sex glow.
Evan took my face in his hands and stared deep into my eyes. He kissed the tip of my nose, then my lips.
“I love you, Hadley,” he said.
We snuggled in bed for a long time, running our hands over each other's body. Touching each other in ways only lovers did. He covered me in gentle kisses, whispered sweet nothings in my ear, and I let myself get lost in the feeling.
I could see a future for us. This could be the norm. Evan and I could be together, and we could be happy together too. Except, there was something missing, and that something left a feeling of emptiness in my gut.
Evan must have sensed something was wrong because he stopped kissing me and just looked at me. Really looked at me.
“What is it, Hadley?”
Tears sprung to my eyes. Regret filled my heart. Not reg
ret over what I'd just done, or at least not in the way it probably sounded like. No, regret that I let myself go, that I got caught up in my feelings for Evan even though I couldn't give myself only to him.
“I have to go,” I said, sitting up in his bed. “I shouldn't have done this.”
The look of pain was etched deep into Evan's face. Of all the boys, he was the most sensitive, and my mistake would hurt him far more than it would hurt any of the others. For that reason, I stopped and just sat on his bed. I held my face in my hands and started sobbing.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” I said.
“You haven't hurt me, I just don't know what's going on,” he said,
He pushed a tendril of my hair away from my face so he could see me clearly from the side.
“I love you, Evan.”
“I love – ”
I held up a hand to stop him.
“Please, let me finish,” I said, and he remained quiet. “I love you, I do. But I also love Gabe still, and there are feelings for Jared too. I just can't lose any of you and I fear that – ”
“You fear that by choosing any one of us, you'll lose the others?” he finished for me.
I nodded. Evan wiped a tear from my cheek.
“Like with Chris,” I continued. “He was just our friend, but as soon as him and I got serious, I lost the rest of you. I can't lose you again. I can't.”
Evan put an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him. I rested my head against his chest, and it felt nice and safe there with him. He always managed to make feel safe, which was why I told him about the pregnancy first. It was also why I opened up to him so easily. Gabe was difficult at times, and Jared was understanding, but lacked some of the emotional understanding that Evan had in spades.