Now, they’ve devolved into a horrible trip. Grotesque possibilities form on the shadows just out of my mind’s reach. I don’t want to look, but every time I close my eyes, I see death and destruction. Marcela’s cold blue arm, my burning town, dead men, Dante laughing at me...
It’s only when I open my eyes again that I can picture Angel. His image soothes me. I know he’s coming. He has to...
But what if it kills him?
... Then I guess I’ll die, too...
He’s my last bit of hope; the last sliver of light in my life; the only warmth left. If he goes, then so will I. That’s my decision, and I’ll uphold it if I have to...
My eyes rip open and a wave of nausea sends me scrambling for the bathroom. I barely make it to the toilet in time.
Tears stream down my cheeks as my guts spill from my lips. My mess is so loud that I barely hear the bedroom door open, or the little pitter patter of rushing footsteps coming to my aid.
I do, however, feel the warmth of a small tender hand on my back.
“Oh, you poor thing,” Lady lilts. She rubs my back until my stomach is empty. My throat burns as I collapse onto the bathroom floor, completely exhausted.
“How are you feeling now?” the kindly old maid asks.
“Better,” I tell her. It’s half the truth. My stomach has already settled down, but my mind is still frayed and teetering dangerously on the edge of oblivion.
A soft but tense silence follows. Even through my fog, I can sense that there’s something else on Lady’s mind. “What is it?” I ask, pushing myself onto my knees. I rest my cheek against the nearest wall and take short deep breaths.
Lady hesitates.
“Lady?”
She reaches into the front pouch of her maid’s outfit, her hand stopping as it grips around something inside. “...I have something for you,” she whispers. Her eyes are downcast like her thoughts are too heavy to deliver eye to eye. “Please do not be mad.”
“How could I ever be mad at you?” I sigh. “What do you have for me?”
Lady takes a deep breath and lifts her hand out of her pouch. I blink through the black spots in my vision at the thin white object she holds between her trembling fingers. “It’s just, you’ve only been getting sick in the morning...”
It takes me a second to realize what it is, but when I do, the implication explodes in me like an atomic bomb.
A pregnancy test.
Lady thinks I’m pregnant.
Another blast erupts inside of me. Oh my god. Am I pregnant!?
“No...” I whisper, hardly able to register the sudden explanation for my morning sickness. How long has it been since Angel and I last made love? It was on the pool table, the night I was taken from him... right?
“Just try it,” Lady pleads.
“I don’t want to,” the words just come out, but it’s the truth. I can’t even consider that possibility, not now. A baby changes everything.
“You must,” Lady whispers. “For your own sake.”
She’s right, I just don’t know if I can handle it. The burden of carrying another life inside of me would only make my situation all the more crushing. Could I even survive that revelation?
I’d have to... not just for me, but for our child...
I gulp down my fear. Nausea has returned but I swallow it all down and take the biggest test of my life.
Lady waits for me just outside of the bedroom door. After I’ve done as instructed, I immediately crawl to her, unable to look at the results myself.
I get my answer when Lady starts sobbing. “We have to get you out of here,” she blubbers through the tears.