Bobbi was starting to look nervous. Nadia didn’t blame Bobbi for her nerves; Nadia didn’t get upset often, and when she did, it meant things were serious. And they were serious now. Dedushka knew it. Out of the corner of her eye, Nadia could see Jarvis wringing his hands.
“Nadia, it’s all right.” Janet stepped in. “I’m really happy that you found a connection to Maria. I think it’s healthy and exciting and, if you’d like, I’d be thrilled to be a part of—”
“I’m working on Like Minds right now, not Maria’s list,” Nadia snapped. She could feel herself unraveling. She tried to keep a lid on her emotions, but in that moment she was too upset to think about Dr. Sinclair or her exercises or any of the healthy coping habits she’d been learning. She had trusted Bobbi with this—this one thing, and Bobbi had betrayed her.
Nadia felt more alone than she’d felt in years. No one understood her relationship with Margaret, or why it was so important to Nadia to have someone like her involved with G.I.R.L.—someone who wasn’t afraid to take risks and break rules, like Nadia. No one wanted to understand Nadia’s Like Minds project, or why it could make such a huge difference—to the world, not just to some science fair. No one was even in the G.I.R.L. labs lately to talk about these things, even if they had wanted to. The only people who were consistently there for her right now were Dr. Sinclair and Margaret. And she was paying one of them.
“I’m sorry.” Bobbi held up her hands in apology. “I know you have a lot on your plate and I was just trying to help—”
“By doing what I asked you not to do?” Nadia could hardly believe what she was hearing. Excuses? These weren’t even good excuses. “Why didn’t you help me by supporting me? Because you don’t like Margaret? Because you’re jealous that I’m spending time with her?”
“Nadia…” Janet warned.
Bobbi stood in silence. It was enough of an answer for Nadia.
“Don’t be upset with Bobbi, please, Nadia.” Janet took a few steps forward, her heels loud against the hardwood. Nadia took an equal number of steps back. She didn’t want to be close to anyone right now. She didn’t feel close to anyone right now. “She told me about Maria and about Margaret because she was concerned for you. You’re taking on a lot—”
“And I can handle a lot,” Nadia shot back. She was strong and she was capable; she didn’t have to be treated with kid gloves. It was infuriating. “Everyone is concerned for me and for my bipolar, but when I try to tell you what I want or what I need, no one seems to be listening!”
“Nadia…” Bobbi ran her fingers through her hair. “I talked to Taina and I just don’t think the VERA project is a good idea.” Nadia opened her mouth to argue, but Bobbi kept talking. “The VERA project falls outside of the Like Minds scope—and it’s also dangerous.” She took a step forward. Nadia kept still. “I know you think you can solve all the inherent issues with privacy and infosec, and one day you might! But I don’t think you can do that in the next week. And I don’t think it fits the parameters of the assignment.”
“And I don’t think you should be associating so closely with Margaret Hoff,” added Janet.
This. This was exactly what Nadia had been afraid of.
Nadia rounded on her. “Right. You, too?”
“I found her old HR files,” Janet said gently. “Hank was worried about her. She was very driven. To a degree that scared him. Which is really saying something. If Hank was scared, it must’ve been extreme.”
Nadia snorted. “Oh, and now it’s bad to be driven? Keep the teen girls where they belong, in the mall, is that right?”
“‘In the mall’?” Bobbi repeated incredulously. “Nadia, I know I screwed up talking about the list, but I just thought we could get you back on the right track—”
“I have bipolar, I’m not a lost stray,” Nadia shot back. “I’m not having an episode. I’m just upset.”
“Totally fair,” said Janet. “Listen, the hockey game is—”
“I can’t worry about the list until after Like Minds. I have to go back to the lab.” Nadia couldn’t even look at Bobbi right now. “Quantum oscillator.”
“I will drive you,” offered Jarvis, from a room away.
“I’ll find my own way back,” said Nadia, scooping up VERA and her phone. Janet and Bobbi looked at each other, concerned—but Bobbi had to know she had messed up. Nadia made it three steps out of the house before reaching for her Wasp charm. There were some things that could only be made better by a long fly and a long cry.
This was one of them.
“VERA,” Nadia said, her voice rough, “play ‘When I Needed You’ again.”
“Are you sure there is not another Carly Rae Jepsen song you would like to—”
“No,” Nadia cut the holo off. “Again.”
“All right,” VERA said. If it were possible for machine intelligence to sound reluctant, VERA did.
NADIA’S NEAT SCIENCE FACTS!!!
Time for some more brain science. People say all the time that music has the power to make a person feel better, almost like magic. But obviously, it is not magic. Scarlet Witch is not crouched inside your baby-blue Victrola. Though that would admittedly be kind of adorable. But she’s busy. No, instead it has everything to do with your brain chemistry.
When a human hears music, it triggers the release of a chemical called dopamine in the brain, more specifically in the dorsal and ventral striatum. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter: something that acts like an information taxi between your brain cells. It helps with many different things—movement, attention, emotions—but it’s also responsible for making humans feel happiness, satisfaction, or pleasure. Dopamine from the ventral tegmental area is released when a person does something that makes them feel awesome—like exercising or listening to music. It tells the body, “Do this again. That was good. More of that, please.”