“Then what is it?” he asked, sliding in beside her on the narrow booth.
Her hand waved across the table. “All of this. I’m looking at the future of my career, yet I have no clue what way to go. I’m at a crossroads, Nash, and I’m scared. There’s no good answer.”
Nash wrapped his arm around her and pulled her against his side. He’d grown used to the perfect feel of her petite body nestled next against his. What he wasn’t used to was consoling a woman, delving into feelings beyond the superficial. This was definitely out of his comfort zone and he absolutely hated it. Hated how he’d allowed himself to get in this position of being vulnerable with the threat of being exposed before he was ready.
More than anything else, he hated lying to Lily. She didn’t deserve to be pulled into his web of deceit and lies, but now that she was pregnant, there was no other option. He’d already put his plan in motion and he wasn’t leaving until Damon Barrington gave up the horses and Nash disclosed his real identity to the man. Nash couldn’t wait to see Damon’s face when the truth was revealed.
But now he had Lily and a baby to worry about. He sure as hell didn’t want innocents caught in the mix. Things had been so simple before, when Lily planned to wrap up filming and go on her way. Everything in her life from this moment on would revolve around their child and he had to figure out a way to make this right...he just had no clue how.
Angst rolled through him at the thought of his own mother feeling even an inkling of what Lily was going through. And his mother had been all on her own. No way would he ever let Lily feel as if she didn’t have him to lean on. He wasn’t looking for that traditional family, but he wouldn’t abandon what was his.
For so long it had been just Nash and his mother. She’d always put his needs first, rarely dating, never bringing a man to the house until Nash was in his late teens when she got engaged and eventually married. She’d always made sure her two jobs covered their bills and a few extras.
In short, she worked her ass off, purposely setting her own needs aside until Nash was old enough to understand and care for himself.
He didn’t want to see Lily struggling as a single mother, juggling a career and a child.
Added to that, she was pregnant with his child. It would take death to tear him away from what belonged to him. Did he love her? No. Love wasn’t in the cards for him, wasn’t something he believed in. That didn’t mean he didn’t already love this child they’d created. Now Nash had to make sure once she discovered the truth, she wouldn’t shut him out.
He knew how she loathed liars, how she’d been betrayed by a man in her past. Surely she would see this situation was completely different.
“What are all these papers that have you so upset?” he asked her.
Lily rested a hand on his thigh, tapping a stack with her finger. “Scripts Ian gave me to look over for the next film. He’s so excited because this will be our first film together, but everything here would be impossible for me to do until after the baby is born and that’s if I get my body back. Hollywood is ruthless when it comes to added pounds.”
He kept his opinion about Hollywood and their warped sense of “beautiful” to himself. Not all women needed to be rails to be stunning and added pounds didn’t take away from a woman’s talents. Lily was a petite woman, but she had curves in all the right places.
“Why don’t you tell Ian that none of these will work for you?”
Lily lazily drew an invisible pattern over his jeans with her fingertips. “I need to tell him about the baby. This has to be my sole focus. My career will have to come second for a while. I only hope I’m not committing career suicide.”
Nash smiled and stroked away a strand of hair from her eyes. “I highly doubt this will kill your career. Ian will understand, I’m sure.”
Lily scrubbed her hands over her face. “This is my life. I don’t know anything else. What do I know about being a mom?”
About as much as he knew about being a dad.
She slid out the other side of the booth and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. Nash watched as she twisted off the cap and took a long drink. An overwhelming sense of possession swept through him. This sexy, vibrant woman would soon start showing visible signs of their secret affair.
“You can’t keep pushing yourself right now, Lily. It’s best you relax.”
Her eyes darted to his. “I don’t need you coming in here and telling me how I should be reacting. My life is mine alone, Nash. Yes, you’re the baby’s father, but I need to figure out what to do here. Even if I take some time off, I’m still in the spotlight. I don’t want...”