Tears pricked her eyes behind her closed lids as his fingers splayed across her abdomen. “I’m not giving up on us, Lily,” he murmured in her ear. “And I won’t let you give up, either.”
As much as she wanted to resist him and back up her words with actions, she found herself leaning back against his chest as a tear slipped down her cheek.
“I’m not leaning on you,” she told him with a sniff. “I’m not weak and I don’t need you. I’m just tired, that’s all.”
Rubbing her stomach with gentle motions, he kissed the side of her head. “I know, baby. I know.”
Nineteen
Jake swirled the whiskey around in the glass tumbler. Staring at the amber liquid wasn’t taking the edge off, but he didn’t want to lose himself in the bottom of a bottle, either. Right now he needed a clear head, needed to process what the hell was going on with Lily.
Keeping his hands off of her the past few days had tested restraint he didn’t even know he possessed. But being with her on the porch, witnessing such raw emotions from her had nearly broken him. The damage he’d caused her was inexcusable, yet she’d leaned on him for a moment and he’d taken that as a sign of hope. At this point, he was grasping at anything she’d throw out.
She’d eaten dinner with him, Liz and Tyler and had gone to her room afterward. He hadn’t seen or heard from her all evening and it was nearly eleven. More than likely she was asleep, curled up in that four-poster bed he’d bought from an antiques dealer. The clear image of her dark hair spread all around the crisp white sheets had him clenching the glass before finally slamming it down onto his desk.
If he ever wanted a chance with her, he needed to be open about everything from his life to his emotions. He needed for her to see that he’d changed, he put her first and nothing would come between them again. He couldn’t let more time pass without telling her exactly where she stood in his life.
Standing just outside her door, he pondered for a minute if he should wait until morning. She was supposed to rest, after all, but he couldn’t. He’d given her space and it was time she realized just how serious he was about winning her back.
Tapping on the door with the back of his knuckles, Jake swallowed and tried to ignore his frantic heartbeat. Nerves consumed him, but being a coward now would certainly secure a future without the woman and child he loved.
The knob rattled just as the door eased open. Lily stood before him, her hair spilled over one shoulder, her eyes wide. Apparently she’d been just as restless as he had. A small light glowed from the table lamp beside her bed.
“Can I come in?” he asked. When she said nothing, he added, “I have some things I need to say.”
He worried she would slam the door in his face, a definite right she had, but she opened the door a bit wider and he realized her slamming the door would’ve been a blessing. Now his penance was having this conversation while seeing her dressed in a silky chemise, the same one he’d slid off her body many times before.
Only this time, her belly rounded out the midsection and her full breasts threatened to come out of the lacy top.
He glanced to the unmade bed, the sheets all twisted in the middle. “I’m sorry if you were sleeping.”
Lily shook her head as she sat on the edge of the bed. “I wasn’t asleep.”
Jake remained by the door because if he even took one more step into this room he wouldn’t be able to keep from touching her. Between her tousled appearance and the inviting bed that mocked him, he seriously deserved a damn award in self-control.
But he was here to lay it all on the line. Never before had he done anything so important and so terrifying.
“Damon came by the other day,” he began, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “We’ve come to an agreement to work on our relationship.”
Lily rested her hands next to her hips. “I know. I was coming down the stairs when he arrived. I listened for a few minutes, but came back upstairs. I’m sorry I eavesdropped. I couldn’t make myself leave until I knew what he wanted.”
Jake smiled. “It’s okay. He said the girls were upset, but they understood my angle and they wanted to get to know their only brother. Damon actually invited me over this weekend for dinner.”
Lily’s smile hit on every nerve Jake had. He missed that smile, missed the light in her eyes...a light he’d diminished and was desperately trying to get back. He didn’t just want that brightness back for only himself, but for her. He wanted her to be that vibrant woman he’d fallen in love with, the stunning light he’d met months ago.