"Please stay with me, please," I begged him. "Only a little while, only one night, I beg you!" Again the volume of my voice terrified me. It wasn't my voice at all. I put my arms around him. I held tight to him. His gaunt white face was inexplicably beautiful to me, his black eyes filled with the strangest expression.
The light flickered on his hair, his eyes, and then again he made his mouth into a jester's smile.
"Ah, greedy son," he said. "Is it not enough to be immortal with all the world your repast? Good-bye, little one. Do as I say. Remember, the ashes! And beyond this stone the inner chamber. Therein lies all that you will need to prosper. "
I straggled to hold on to him. And he laughed low in my ear, marveling at my strength. "Excellent, excellent," he whispered. "Now, live forever, beautiful Wolfkiller, with the gifts which I have added to the lot. "
He sent me stumbling away from him. And he leapt so high and so far into the very middle of the flames he appeared to be flying.
I saw him descend. I saw the fire catch his garments.
It seemed his head became a torch, and then all of a sudden his eyes grew wide and his mouth became a great black cavern in the radiance of the flames
and his laughter rose in such piercing volume, I covered my ears.
He appeared to jump up and down on all fours in the flames, and suddenly I realized that my cries had drowned out his laughter.
The spindly black arms and legs rose and fell, rose and fell and then suddenly appeared to wither. The fire shifted, roared. And in the heart of it I could see nothing now but the blaze itself.
Yet still I cried. I fell down upon my knees, my hands over my eyes. But against my closed lids I could still see it, one vast explosion of sparks after another until I pressed my forehead on the stones.
Chapter 4
4
For years it seemed I lay on the floor watching the fire burn itself out to charred timbers.
The room had cooled. The freezing air moved through the open window. And again and again I wept. My own sobs reverberated in my ears until I felt I couldn't endure the sound of them. And it was no comfort to know that all things were magnified in this state, even the misery that I felt.
Now and then I prayed again. I begged for forgiveness, though forgiveness for what I couldn't have said. I prayed to the Blessed Mother, to the saints. I murmured the Aves over and over until they became a senseless chant.
And my tears were blood, and they left their stain on my hands when I wiped at my face.
Then I lay flat on the stones, murmuring not prayers any longer but those inarticulate pleas we make to all that is powerful, all that is holy, all that may or may not exist by any and all names. Do not leave me alone here. Do not abandon me. I am in the witches' place. It's the witches' place. Do not let me fall even farther than I have already fallen this night. Do not let it happen . . . Lestat, wake up.
But Magnus's words came back to me, over and over: To find hell, if there is a hell . . . If there is a Prince of Darkness. . .
Finally I rose on my hands and knees. I felt light-headed and mad, and almost giddy. I looked at the fire and saw that I might still bring it back to a roaring blaze and throw myself into it.
But even as I forced myself to imagine the agony of this, I knew that I had no intention of doing it.
After all, why should I do it? What had I done to deserve the witches' fate? I didn't want to be in hell, even for a moment.
I sure as hell wasn't going there just to spit in the face of the Prince of Darkness, whoever he might be!
On the contrary, if I was a damned thing, then let the son of a bitch come for me! Let him tell me why I was meant to suffer. I would truly like to know.
As for oblivion, well, we can wait a little while for that. We can think this over for a little while . . . at least.
An alien calm crept slowly over me. I was dark, full of bitterness and growing fascination.
I wasn't human anymore.
And as I crouched there thinking about it, and looking at the dying embers, an immense strength was gathering in me. Gradually my boyish sobs died away. And I commenced to study the whiteness of my skin, the sharpness of the two evil little teeth, and the way that my fingernails gleamed in the dark as though they'd been lacquered.
All the little familiar aches were gone out of my body. And the remaining warmth that came from the smoking wood was good to me, as something laid over me or wrapped about me.
Time passed; yet it did not pass.