I want to scream that I know that. That I love him the same way. That I’m trying to put Reed first. I want to try and explain that I’m not a whole person anymore. I can’t allow this shell that I’ve become to suck Reed dry. In essence, that’s all I’d be doing. I’d be taking his love, his protection, and his stability—when I don’t have anything left to offer.
I wake up every morning feeling dead inside. There’s no emotion. There’s just this numbness. This empty cavern of nothingness.
And I like it.
I like not feeling.
“Okay,” I respond. It’s not like I’ve been thinking of anything else. I want to keep Reed close.
I’m just wondering that if I do that, does that make me as big of a monster as his brother is?
CHAPTER 31
Reed
I’m breathing easier. It’s not that I’m worried. I’m willing to take whatever comes my way. I know what I did and I’m not in the least bit sorry. Still, having repaired my father’s truck gives me a sense of completion—closure on the whole damn thing.
On him.
I’m bone tired when I get to the trailer. It’s been a long day. Mr. Johnson and I did a week’s worth of work in a day and a half. It’s funny how, even after a tiring day, stepping up to the porch of the trailer, I feel at ease. Knowing Callie is waiting inside fills me with a peace that I haven’t felt in forever. Of course, it’s tempered somewhat, because apparently Jeff, Katie, and Lennon are inside.
I walk in and I’m instantly hit by three things. The first is the smell of Callie’s homemade banana bread. It may have been years since we lived together but a scent that good burns in your brain. The second is a sense of rightness I feel when I open the door and see Callie shyly smiling at me while Katie and Jeff sit on the couch talking.
I never had a home. The closest I came was when Callie and I lived together—or when I’d stay at Mama Ryan’s. Right now, this feels like the best kind of home, one that wraps around your heart.
The last thing that hits me is a very energetic Lennon.
He comes running, wrapping his little arms around my legs. “Unka W-eed!”
I laugh, bending down to pick him up and take him in my arms. I hold him close, breathing in his sweet scent. My heart aches for Jake. Mixed in that is guilt, but I push it aside. I would tell him, but I can’t know how Katie feels. If the father of your child told you point blank that he didn’t want kids, you would have to make a decision. Katie made hers. I can’t fault her for it.
“Hey, buddy. How are you?” I laugh.
“Cookies!” he says. He seems to think that’s the answer to everything and maybe it would be if I was his age.
“We made chocolate chip cookies,” Katie laughs.
“And banana bread,” I murmur, looking at Callie.
I don’t think it’s my imagination that we share a moment. My heart stutters and for a moment I’m back in high school.
“And banana bread,” she says.
“Hey, I’m going to make chili!” Katie whines.
“So, what you’re saying is we’re going out for dinner!”
“Reed!” Katie huffs, while Jeff laughs his ass off. “And you, Jeff Ryan! You just made sure you have a reservation in the doghouse,” she mutters.
I stand still, hearing the sweetest sound I’ve heard in forever.
Callie laughing.
I turn to look at her, my smile deepening. This is definitely feeling more and more like home…
“Dang it, Jeff, I told you that I didn’t like the news.”
“Katie, I just want to see what the weather is. I work outside all day, remember?”
“Trust me, sweetheart, I know you wear Wranglers and ride horses all day. It’s hot, but have you heard that people actually check the weather on their phones?”
“I like getting my weather from real people,” he argues. I ignore them and walk into the kitchen to talk to Callie.
“You look tired,” she says, reaching up to touch my face. Her hand trembles slightly, but there’s a softness in her eyes that hasn’t been there in a long time.
“I had some work to catch up on at the garage. I have tomorrow off, though. Maybe we can drive into the city and take in a movie.”
“Wow…”
“Bad idea?” I ask, not wanting to push her too soon.
“I don’t think I’ve seen a movie since we were in school,” she says, and I grin.
“Then, we should definitely see a movie.”
“I look like hell, Reed. I’m not sure I’m up to being around people.”
“I can work with that,” I respond, already formulating a plan.
“What’s that mean?”
“You guys, hush, listen to this,” Katie cries, her voice sharp.
“That’s right, Dan. We can confirm that there was a fatality involved in the accident. There aren’t a lot of details being released right now. It appears that the male was traveling alone on Cowan’s Road. The vehicle went over an embankment and caught on fire. Names are not being released at this time.”