Our son laid only a few feet away and I had no desire to have him awake to two screaming adults. Wyatt must have had the same idea because his tone remained subdued despite the heat in it.
“Threaten you? Oh no, honey, that was a promise.”
Shit. I probably deserved that too.
He was understandably furious. I couldn’t deny I would have felt the same way if the roles were reversed.
Besides that, it wouldn’t help the already turbulent situation if I lost my cool so I controlled my tone to one which was even and more patient after a few deep breaths.
“When we talked last night, I told you I had something to tell you. This was it. I never meant to keep this from you for so long. I swear to you I didn’t. The fact that I had you as the emergency contact on Noah’s daycare sheet should tell you as much.”
“You expect me to believe that when you lied to me for so long!”
“I never lied to you!” My tone rose along with his but went right back down when I repeated the words, adamant because they were true.
“You lied by omission, Hailey. No matter how you spin it, you kept something from me that I had every right to know.”
“When was I supposed to tell you, Wyatt? You weren’t exactly around,” I responded, gesturing with my hands to solidify my point. “When I found out about the pregnancy, you were already gone and you had been in such a dark place after your father’s death, I honestly didn’t think this was something you would be able to handle. I didn’t know how to break through your walls and I wasn’t going to bring my child up in a broken home with a father that popped in and out of his life.”
“You had no right to make that decision for me. I am his father. I needed to know that I had bought a child into this world,” he said, his hand gestures just has furious as mine.
“You’re right.” I could see that he was taken aback at my agreement and added, “I see that now. I should have tried harder to make you a part of his life and my decision not to is something that I will always have to deal with. I can’t change the past but I am willing to work with you to make the future better for everyone involved here. I am ready to do right by both you and Noah so I am begging you that we
try to move past this and focus on what is best for him.”
“And that is knowing his father loves him and is willing to die to protect him,” Wyatt said. “I should tell him. He has the right to know just like I did.”
I panicked and closed the distance between us with haste. I grabbed a hold of Wyatt’s arms and tugged.
“Have you told him? Please, tell me you didn’t, Wyatt. Not like this. Not without me,” I cried.
“Of course I didn’t. I am still a stranger to him. I’m not going to just spring it on the poor kid,” he replied, pulling away from my touch like he couldn’t stand it.
I breathed a sigh of relief, my body sagging with the feeling. I refused to focus of the aching disappointment of having him visibly pull away from me.
“But doesn’t he already know? He said you have a picture of me.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I do. But I haven’t said the words of who you are to him. But we will together, when he feels better.”
“And if he’s better tomorrow, will we tell him then?” He asked as if expecting me to say no.
I meant what I said. Noah was a growing boy who needed a father figure in his life. He was already noticing the fact that other kids at the daycare had daddies in their lives and he didn’t. I had fielded the questions he had so far but I knew his curiosity would only make the situation more volatile.
He needed to be told that he had a father who obviously cared for him. I would never deny him that. Not again.
“Yes, Wyatt. I just want him to feel good when he gets the news.”
Wyatt didn’t get a chance to respond because we interrupted.
“Mommy?”
The small voice had both our heads turning sharply toward the living room then we were both moving.
I got to Noah first. He was sitting up on the couch, the blanket pooled around his hips. His cute little mouth was stretched in a yawn and his was rubbing his tired eyes.
I pulled him into a hug.
Wyatt stood behind the couch, watching the display with a guarded expression.